Review: Rambo

Mong Boxing sounds like the best idea ever. Make it happen.

The end scene in Rambo is like one of those set-pieces in Call of Duty where you get behind a gun turret and just unleash hell on the randomly generated Nazis that pour forth. Only it lasts about 15 minutes.

'Gay Burmese General'

Hahaha, why on earth would somebody google "gay burmese general"?
Watched this again last night because I was tired and wanted my brain to shut down.
It's superbly retarded, like my long-mooted plan for Mong Boxing - just wind Rambo up enough and he goes off on a man-mental, destroying everything in his path.
I loved the fact that the climactic battle just had Rambo standing in the back of a jeep mowing wave after wave of brown people down. Even the Missionary did more violence, using a rock no less.

I hate that Burmese General. I hope he's in the new Terminator movie. Imagine, a cyborg mentalist from the future so villainy he wants to bumfun "Sarah Car-nar"

Haha, someone just Google searched 'Gay Burmese General' and ended up here. Hope you're happy!

I personally though this was awesome. Absolutely no redeeming features, and perfect for those "I want to see some 80's style good V Eeeeeeevil, and a sasquatch of a man fucking people up." moments. I woke the missus up with "holy shit!" exclamations.

Like the angry roid knuckledragger in the local pub, it's frightening to look at, but you just can't shift those eyes away from it.

And by aware, I mean award.
"And the award for best Burmese General goes to...."

Yep, it's stupid and violent and pointless and loud.
But it's great fun.
Burmese General should be an aware catagory for a character so full of villainy that the only way to express it is by bum humping hostages.

See! See! I told you Burmese General was pure evil!

Also is that him getting a stabbing in the second picture from the bottom? Kinda gives it away...unless he survives and kills Rambo...

For what it was, I enjoyed it. It was carnage. It was mayhem. It was pure gore. There's no annoying side-kick making dumb quips. No references to reality TV. It just a big dumb movie in which a hell of a lot of people meet a messy end.

And holy fuck, Stallone is a monster. He's a fucking beast. He did some serious bulking up for this movie - and nothing like the shape he was in for Rocky Balboa - there he tried to get back to being a boxer - here - jesus. look at those fucking shoulders. I think Ali had it right when he said flesh-coloured Incredible Hulk.

And I liked that Rambo couldn't even be bothered to enter into conversation with anyone, just blank them.

So the plot is non-existant, Rambo reluctantly takes missionaries into Burma then takes a load of mercenaries in to save them. The characters are stick thin, and one of them was called 'Schoolboy'. Schoolboy, for fuck's sake.

Burmese General is made out to be so bad. Marshalling the mayhem, half of the time torturing for sport - throwing mines into a field, and getting villagers to run the gauntlet. Flesh rains down as people explode, but that's not quite bad enough. The way he stokes the young man's hair, then pushes the door closed, you just know he's so bad,he's gonna do some bumming. And he wears sunglasses. Sunglasses that reflect the fire he stares into after he burns shit for fun. Sunglasses are bad.

Anyway, I thought it was fun, but, oh my, it's shallow. It pretends there's a message in there, but it's lost somewhere in the pile of mutilated bodies.

I think 'Burmese General' just became my new euphemism for being gay.

"Have you met that camp guy? Do you think he's..."
"Oh yeah. He's a total Burmese General."

Jesus guys, the tears are literally rolling down my face reading about 'Burmese General' - I'm at work, trying so hard not to laugh out loud.

I would love to go see this movie. Maybe I will. Tomorrow.

I shit you not.

Burmese General looks like being the only reason to watch this film. You're telling me the Burmese General actually bums his POWs? Haha, what a bastard. A Bumming Burmese General.

About the only villainy stuff the Burmese General didn't do was to download pirate movies from the internet. Because the Burmese General is too busy doing bum-villainy to people, as Mark said, just to prove how villainy he is.
Burmese General

The Baddie is so bad he'll turn temporarily gay just to prove he's so bad, he'll take the slur of being a gay Burmese General just to be a bad ass doing the bad thing with a guys ass.

It's probably less violent than CoD4, which is saying something.

And the "villainy" thing is so true - that Burmese general guy had his way with a male prisoner, ergo all Burmese generals are by default warmongering bummers. He's straight too, just wanted to cause the guy some pain, because he's a Burmese general, and that's what all Burmese generals do.

I hope this comes up top in google for "Burmese general".

Yeah, it'd be more like "Fuck em up Rocky LOLZ yeah kill the asians n shit whasssup"

I can't imagine that most of the film's target audience use the word 'mete' all that often.

It's pretty much just that, with extra asskicking.
The villians are so villainy that you're supposed to sit there shouting "Yeah Rambo, fuck those villains up good! Mete out justice like only you can!"

Instead I sat there trying to press select to bring up the mini-map so I knew where to go next.

All I can think of when I see the trailers for this film is 'Hot Shots: Part Deux'.
"War - it's fantastic!"

It should've been called "Asskicking with extra asskick"

Rambo will start a fight with, and kill to bits, absolutely anything that can cast a shadow.

I laughed so hard when the guy got the arrow through the back of the head and out the chin. No coming back from that. How threadbare does a film have to be before you call out the violence as a saving grace? It's Spinal Tap's "Loudest Band" award but for film.

It looks like he's trying to use it as a bow and arrow, but the snake isn't happy.

I love the pic of Rambo trying to start a fight with the snake up there and on the right ^^^^^^^^

I loved it purely because it's like the past 20yrs never happened.
It's like America, hugely retarded with a violent streak a mile wide and no sense of irony or humour.
You know that youtube clip of Shmuey LaBeef saying "no" a lot? It's that, but the no's are brown people being killed. For an hour.
A mammoth spastic pub-brawl of a film with no redeeming qualities except it's short.
Awesomely dumb.

This was a big pile of dumb shit. They used lots of real-life news footage at the beginning to highlight the atrocities suffered by the Burmese people, almost as a justification for the amount of wanton death and carnage Rambo in turn inflicts upon "the baddies" (i.e. the brown ones in caps), and the two don't really sit well together. It's pantomime violence on an unprecedented scale. Even the Christian missionary gets in on the act.

Victor Meldrew versus The ASBO Gang: X-Treme Edition.

I want to see this because it looks like a car crash of a movie. I quite enjoyed Rocky Balboa because it made concessions to the character's age and figure. But seeing Sly use up that goodwill to bring this guy back? Nahhh. He looks like a flesh-coloured Incredible Hulk. Too steroidy.