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Review: The Wicker Man

The Wicker Man
Remakes are such a common occurrence these days that it's almost futile debating their existence; perhaps the wisest thing would be to accept that they're always going to be around, and figure out exactly what it is that makes a good one. Now, I've not seen the original Wicker Man but understand that it's held in the highest re...

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15 comments.
The Internets
Posted by The Internets at 09:53 on 29/09/06
The Internets
Posted by The Internets at 09:53 on 29/09/06
Finally got around to watching this.

Entertaining enough, but for all the wrong reasons. Still, not quite the disaster I was lead to believe.

Misogynist, stupid, over the top, women getting punched and kicked (great fun \"Kick those bitches!\") and some appalling dialogue and IITS (it's in the script) moments.

Prime IITS being all the other women wear flimsy masks, while the Innkeeper's costume is a all in one bear costume than Ed can wear without being spotted immediately. True, it's all ochestrated to draw him to a specific location, but it just comes across as *dumb*.

Voice over ending sucks mind. I demand Cage in a Bee cage and to see him getting his fucking legs broken. I've sufferered enough of his (bad) movies for that at least.
The Internets
Posted by The Internets at 21:32 on 07/09/06
But why? Why go for a 12A rating? I know several people who now refuse to go and see a horror film unless it\'s at least a 15. It\'s not doing anyone any favours. There aren\'t any people out there who want to see a horror flick that is suitable for pre-teens, and there aren\'t any pre-teens out there who want to watch a psychological horror. If the ending was brutal enough, it might have earned a little respect.
The Internets
Posted by The Internets at 20:46 on 07/09/06
The Bee Scene was deleted from the UK version so it could get a low rating. Explains why Cage has Welts on his face that suddenly appear.

Not seen the original? Crikey!
The Internets
Posted by The Internets at 17:54 on 07/09/06
Is that a head covered with bees? There were no bees in the original. Does Cage get dragged (drug?) to the Wicker Man shouting \"Oh christ no, oh god\" or does he amble up dressed like a bear. But a bear with bees in it\'s mouth. A bearbee. Beebear. Boodoobeedoo
The Internets
Posted by The Internets at 17:00 on 07/09/06
Also... what happened to this scene, as seen in the trailer? Click here
The Internets
Posted by The Internets at 16:33 on 07/09/06
The Wicker Man and the Lady in the Water should get together and have a stupid fairytale kid they burn to death. But then Nicolas Cage punches out the Lady in the Water.
The Internets
Posted by The Internets at 16:07 on 07/09/06
I remember when Cage was cool dammit. Wild at Heart, Raising Arizona...er...Peggy Sue Got Married and that one with Cher where he thought he was a werewolf. Now he just looks like somebody peering into the back of a spoon
The Internets
Posted by The Internets at 15:04 on 07/09/06
This sounds like one of those films that is so hilariously bad, you just HAVE to watch it at some point. Somehow, I have a feeling that this would make a fantastic double feature with \"Lady in the Water.\" It\'s twice the terrible! There\'s no way I\'ll be paying to see this in the cinema, but you can be damn sure that it will be on my Netflix queue when it hits DVD two months from now.
The Internets
Posted by The Internets at 14:57 on 07/09/06
A colony of women? Cage punching and kicking women? Bear costumes???
Now I\'m not a *huge* fan of the original, but at least it tried to say something about organised religion and stuff like Wicca. It was about conservatism vs freedom of emotions etc and had Britt Ekland dancing about nude and Saruman in a dress. I shall be mostly avoiding this one
The Internets
Posted by The Internets at 13:34 on 07/09/06
That\'s kinda explained (as in, they touch on it but not really) but there\'s loads more. It\'s classic Bond villain stuff... \"I\'m going to put him in an unnecessarily slow moving device and assume everything goes to plan.\"
The Internets
Posted by The Internets at 12:45 on 07/09/06
Plot holes? Policeman that goes to an island, never returns...surely they\'d send someone to look for him?
The Internets
Posted by The Internets at 12:31 on 07/09/06
Naked orgies might have bumped this up to 3 stars. But no, they had to have Cage mincing around the woods dressed as a bear.

The ending really is astoundingly bad, it basically makes everything that\'s happened up to that point completely pointless and it\'s riddled with plot holes. You\'ll come out the cinema thinking \"But why did... but why did... but why did...?\" about a billion plot holes.
The Internets
Posted by The Internets at 07:52 on 07/09/06
Yeah, nothing happened much in the original, but the atmosphere was perfect IMHO.
The Internets
Posted by The Internets at 07:34 on 07/09/06
I always found, naked dancing/orgy bits aside, the original was a bit of a letdown as a horror movie, until the end anyway. You already knew the islanders were hiding something; it was just a matter of waiting for the resolve. Nothing much happened inbetween. Except naked dancing/orgy bits.
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