Becky Suter

News, Reviews & Features
  • The Meg

    Movie Review | Becky Suter | 11th August 2018

    To borrow a phrase from Love Island, on paper The Meg has it all: Jason Statham is on the hunt for the biggest shark ever known, tracks it down and then probably punches it in the face or something. But as we all know, what's good on paper doesn't necessarily translate to real life (see: Dr Alex). Lacking any sense of plot, direction or tasty big shark action scenes, The Meg is lost at sea and sinks faster that a decomposing cetacean carcass. We're going to need a bigger boat.

  • What would happen to Beyoncé if she were in The Handmaid’s Tale?

    TV Feature | Becky Suter | 2nd August 2018

    It's not a comedy, but the secret to The Handmaid's Tale is its timing: it's 2018, 100 years since the Suffragettes fought for the right to vote, and yet there's a pussy-grabbing prick of a president and we're still discussing women's basic reproductive rights. Part of The Handmaid's Tale's uncomfortable appeal is that it feels too close to own our reality. Which is why one night, as I watched Offred/June having a thoroughly miserable time of it, I wondered: what would become of me if Gilead actually happened? What about YouTubers or other celebs? Or – gasp - Queen of the Beyhive, Beyoncé? What about Bey? (For me personally - single, probably barren – most likely a Martha).

  • The Apprentice: season 13, episode 11 recap: "Dos and Don'ts"

    TV Feature | Becky Suter | 11th January 2018

    Having recently joined the ranks of the "funemployed" (have laptop, will travel: hmu), I've been manically combing the internet for interview tips to help me land that dream position as CEO of the UK's premiere puppy-petting zoo. As such, I think I could give these candidates a few tips on interview techniques, although it's redundant anyway because apparently, anyone can win these days.

  • The Apprentice: season 13, episode 9 recap: "The Bushra Tucker Trial"

    TV Feature | Becky Suter | 5th December 2017

    The internet called and said I was PROBABLY going to be named "Apprentice-recapper (person) of the year", but I would have to agree to an interview and a major photoshoot. I said probably is good enough for me, when are you free? I can do any time next week. But they never called back. Didn't want it anyway.

  • The Apprentice: season 13, episode 8 recap: "It's a Doggy Dog World"

    TV Feature | Becky Suter | 27th November 2017

    Unlike cars, dogs are interesting. There are lots of dogs. Some I can name. Some I can't. But I love all of 'em. This week's show has plenty of doggos, coupled with hilarious dog lookalikes of some of the candidates sourced by my own hand. No bones about it, this was one of my fave episodes, not least because Charles called himself a turd-catcher. His words, not mine.

  • The Apprentice: season 13, episode 5 recap: "Happy Birthday"

    TV Feature | Becky Suter | 5th November 2017

    The cathedral bells remain silent, because He is unsatisfied. Year after year the people place presents at His feet: nigella seeds, skeletons and African black soap and yet the bells pay no heed. In this, His 70th year, the Lord Sugar demands nine sacrifices and only then shall the bells ring out and one lucky parishioner shall have bestowed upon them a £250k business opportunity.

  • LFF 2017: Call Me By Your Name

    Movie Review | Becky Suter | 26th October 2017

    Following on from 2015's A Bigger Splash, Luca Guadagnino continues his fascination with swimming pools, sultry Italian summers and dancing men with a heartbreaking coming-of-age tale set in 1983. It's a film so alluring and luminous it almost makes up for the fact I never experienced a holiday romance of my own. Who knows what could have happened had Armie Hammer's family ever decided to holiday during the late 90s at Rockley Park, Bournemouth's premier caravan park? While I lament the life that could've been, I'll have to content myself with this transcendental account of first love that is the very definition of bittersweet. It's seductive, sensual, and at one point someone ejaculates into a peach. It's got everything.

  • The Apprentice: season 13, episode 3 recap: "Artificial Intelligence"

    TV Feature | Becky Suter | 22nd October 2017

    The Three Laws of Robotics, as devised by Isaac Asimov, are guiding principles whose purpose is to avoid robots rising up and destroying us all. The Laws state that no robot shall be able to neither harm nor allow harm to a human being, nor be programmed to conflict the first law, even if it risks its own existence. This week, the Apprentice contestants push Asimov's laws to the limit, thereby triggering the robopocalypse.

  • LFF 2017: Brawl In Cell Block 99

    Movie Review | Becky Suter | 17th October 2017

    Did you know you can kick a man’s head off? Like, clean off his shoulders? Or witness what a face looks like after it’s been stomped by a pair of size 10s? Have you ever seen a jaw literally, literally drop to the floor? How about enjoying funny guy Vince Vaughn in a prison movie with brains, but those brains are frequently splattered across the concrete ground? Before I saw Brawl In Cell Block 99, I wasn’t aware of any of these things. God, I was a different person back then. It is, as a colleague described it, the Citizen Kane of facial trauma movies. It’s Grade A Grindhouse. It’s V For Vaughndetta. It’s not like anything you’ve ever seen before.

  • The Apprentice: season 13, episode 1 recap: "The Buns of Brixton"

    TV Feature | Becky Suter | 9th October 2017

    A team of Oxford University physicists has recently determined that, despite popular opinion, reality is not a simulation created by a massive extraterrestrial computer, because physics. But how do you explain all of 2016? "Be under no illusion," says Lord Sugar. "In this process, I'm the one who decides who's going to remain, and I'm the one who decides who's going to leave, simple as that." What if life is just one long Amstrad computer program? No wonder the world's gone to pot.