11 most distracting movie cameos
Posted by Ali at 10:00 on 23 Jan 2013
John Barrowman in Zero Dark Thirty
Who? Popular media homosexual and camper-than-a-BBC-Christmas-Special light entertainer.
Where? Probably the most serious war movie ever made: a gritty, hard-as-nails retelling of the story of Osama bin Laden's demise.
WTF? Barrowman is best known for playing intergalactic bed-hopper Captain Jack in frivolous Doctor Who spin-off Torchwood, as well as for fronting primetime TV like Animals At Work and Eurovision Song Contest: Your Country Needs Blue. Therefore, it is a little surprising that Bazza pops up in Kathryn Bigelow's stone-faced terrorism thriller. I guess we should be grateful that he doesn't offer to eat anyone's pussy this time.
Ted Danson in Saving Private Ryan
Who? Jovial, horse-faced Cheers barman and cohort of Larry David.
Where? Not just a worthy World War II drama – a Steven Spielberg worthy World War II drama.
WTF? Spielberg did well to build an air of mystery around the titular private throughout his war epic, but the bubble of intrigue was burst when Tom Hanks and company bump into Captain Ted Danson en route. Nice army helmet, Sam! Are you Captain of a platoon where everybody knows your name, Sam? Where's Lieutenant Cliff and Sergeant Norm, Sam? We all had a good laugh for a bit, then the film started again.
Mike Myers in Inglourious Basterds
Who? The man behind Wayne Campbell, Austin Powers and all manner of comedy characters.
Where? Quentin Tarantino's bloody-as-hell Nazi revenge flick.
WTF? There's nothing wrong with casting a comedian in a straight role – often that's how you get the desired shocking result. However, placing a comedic actor like Myers – in prosthetic nose and wig, with a plummy British accent – smack bang in the middle of a war movie threw audiences a curveball. Most were just a little baffled at Tarantino's casting choice, but there must have been more than a few disappointed audience members when Myers didn't nod or wink or do his "Yeah!" face to the camera.
The Janitor from Scrubs and Uncle Jim in Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull
Who? The Janitor from Scrubs and Uncle Jim from Neighbours.
Where? The fourth Indiana Jones movie, which historians maintain never actually existed.
WTF? It was enough of a stretch to suggest Harrison Ford was still capable of cracking Indy's whip (more like his hip, amiright guys?), but the bullshit straw that broke the credulity camel's back was for him to be interrogated by two faces more famous for their TV exploits than their ability to blend seamlessly into the ranks of the CIA. I think we all agree that, if this movie was actually made, this would have been bad casting.
Celia Imrie in Star Wars: The Phantom Menace
Who? Kindly Victoria Wood comedy partner and resident of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.
Where? Only the most eagerly anticipated sci-fi movie ever made.
WTF? You can imagine the thinking behind it: George Lucas wanted experienced, homegrown Brits – a staple nation of space-travellers – who had done their hard graft and were ready to bring their years of passion to The Phantom Menace. Unfortunately, UK viewers couldn't shake the ridiculous notion that the owner of Acorn Antiques was a part-time fighter pilot on Naboo.
Mandy from Hollyoaks in The Dark Knight
Who? Sarah Jayne Dunn aka Mandy off Hollyoaks aka that one whose dad was Mr C, I think.
Where? Billion-dollar dark and brooding Batman sequel.
WTF? "Fuck, The Dark Knight is amazing. This is so amazing. Christopher Nolan is a genius. Heath Ledger's Joker is incredible. Even this relatively unimportant scene in Maroni's nightclub looks stunning. This is going to b- holy shit, is that… that's Mandy from Hollyoaks! Haha! Hey Mandy, where's Bombhead? Hahaha-oh, she's gone. That was weird."
Shaun Ryder in The Avengers
Who? Professional drug-taker and part-time singer.
Where? The movie that is now officially titled The Avengers That Isn't Actually The Avengers You're Thinking About.
WTF? Prepare for one of the most mental sentences you'll ever read. The Avengers features Happy Mondays frontman Shaun Ryder playing a henchman of Sean Connery's weather-controlling madman in a car chase scene featuring Eddie Izzard and robot bees. There is a fairly good chance that the entire movie takes place in Ryder's own twisted melon.
Madonna in Die Another Day
Who? Stringy pop witch.
Where? That Bond movie nobody likes.
WTF? There is absolutely no need for this to have happened. Much like the entirety of Die Another Day.
Phil Collins in Hook
Who? Cheeky Genesis skinsman with a bad back. Beloved by rappers. Divorced his wife by fax. Tit.
Where? Steven Spielberg's playful Peter Pan sequel.
WTF? Clearly, Steven Spielberg was the world's biggest Buster fan, because we can see no other reason why he hired the balding drummer to get his rhythm all over Robin Williams in an early scene. It's not so much WTF as WTFWTALAMOAAWWPC (Why The Fuck When There Were Literally A Million Other Actors Available Who Weren't Phil Collins).
Adam Driver in Lincoln
Who? Perenially shirtless New York hipster, best known for HBO's Girls.
Where? Starchy political Abraham Lincoln biopic.
WTF? Despite the title, the character Adam – and by extension, the actor Adam Driver – is the best thing about Girls: a surprisingly sweet sexual deviant with little-to-no social skills and a mattress more filthy than Tracey Emin's. Naturally then, when he pops up in Lincoln in a small role as a telegram operator, you start counting down to the moment he starts masturbating furiously. Tragically, it never comes, and neither does he.
Guns 'N' Roses in The Dead Pool
Who? Long-haired rock stars who are rarely punctual.
Where? That Dirty Harry sequel that should have been called Shitty Harry.
WTF? GNR were reportedly such huge fans of the Dirty Harry series, they cameod in The Dead Pool at the funeral of the punk played by Jim Carrey. Nobody questioned this at all. That's 1988 for you.