12 totally inappropriate moments in kids movies
Posted by Luke at 12:53 on 04 Mar 2011
Luke Skywalker makes first base (with his sister)
Maybe there's some subtle subtext, or maybe it's perfectly acceptable on their home planet, but accidentally smooching with your sibling and later admitting you kinda knew all along is all sorts of wrong where I'm from. Here's the moment of Han Solo's realisation - presented in its original, unedited form:
Voluptuous animated thing Jessica holds a very special place in the hearts of perverts worldwide, not only because of her smokin' body ("I'm not bad, I was just drawn that way") but because of her willingness to bone anything and anyone - we're not sure which is worse, Bob Hoskins or a cartoon rabbit. Anyway, if you really want to, you can see a flash of her kitty when she falls out of her car. But you really have to want to see it.
Bumblebee was never going to be popular: can't fly, no catchphrase, not a dinosaur - he's practically a Gobot. It's no surprise then that when the writers of Transformers: The Movie decided to drop a crafty S-bomb, they gave it to the token human sitting right next to him. God, Bumblebee, you're such a prick (sorry, I really hate Bumblebee).
It's a shame that Hollywood will probably never make movies like The Goonies again. The wholesome family adventure genre is a thing of the past... but is that really such a bad thing when characters are shamelessly named after the male reproductive organ? Brings a whole new meaning to a pirate threatening to run you through with his rusty sword.
As much as I hate to admit it, Indiana Jones And The Temple of Doom is a pretty awful movie. Gone are face-melting Nazis seeking Godlike powers, replaced with elephants and some bollocks about child slavery. Oh, and this embarrassing attempt at innuendo. "What sort of cream I put on my face at night..." indeed. Just don't get any in her hair, Dr. Jones!
Remember how well it turned out the last time an eccentric millionaire invited you back to his place to 'explore his chocolate factory'? Willy Wonka is a bad role model for kids: not only does he rely on dwarf slave labour, but he treats the kids visiting his magical dreamworld to a PCP-laced boat ride that, even to this day, probably still gives Charlie panic attacks.