15 famous movie good guys who were also total dicks


9th September 2009

Ah, the Good Guy. In movies, he/she is usually played as clean-cut and wholesome. But when the truly enterprising writer goes above and beyond the call of duty, sometimes character flaws combine to make a Good Guy go bad. And sometimes they're just total assholes.

He's the kind of guy or girl you really want to like... until that annoying little voice in your head says, "But wait a second... didn't he just...?" Yeah. They went there. What a fistful of dicks!

Qui-Gon Jinn - Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)

Wasn't he a good guy? A Jedi Master with a heart of gold, Qui-Gon saw the good in everyone and lived fastiduously by the Jedi code. Remember, he trained the ever-awesome Obi Wan Kenobi and died a hero's death fighting with the Force on his side. But when you really stop and think about it...

Wait... what a dick! Qui-Gon brought that foppish little bastard Anakin into the Jedi fold, despite the stern and almost terrifying warnings of all those around him. He completely misinterpreted the prophecy about Anakin bringing balance to the Force, which nobody noticed until the end of the last movie. Great work, genius.

Qui-Gon tried his hand at dueling with the friggin awesome Darth Maul, which ended in his tragic, yet completely senseless death ' Jedi aren't supposed to get all hypnotized by twirling lightsabers, are they? And for the coup de grace, he brought the eternally annoying Jar Jar Binks into the global consciousness. May he roast forever in the Jedi version of Hell.
Dan Gallagher ' Fatal Attraction (1987)

Wasn't he a good guy? Successful attorney and happily married family man Dan seemed to have it all: a loving wife, a cute little girl and a bunny rabbit. A lapse of judgment leads him to what he thought was a short-lived fling with a foxy editor, and hilarity ensues. You really want to think that he was the victim here, and in some ways he was heroic because his poorly planned exploits terrified millions of men into keeping their pants on.

Wait... what a dick! Dan conveniently waited until his wife was out of town, and then let his dick do his thinking for him. He screwed around on his wife (not cool), and then gave ape-shit crazy hosebeast Glenn Close the cold shoulder (not smart). To top it all off, he forgot to thank his lucky stars that he wasn't married to Lorena Bobbitt, because a bunny wouldn't have been the only thing they would have found in that boiling pot.
Tony ' West Side Story (1961)

Wasn't he a good guy? Sure, he was one of the co-founders of the last white boy gang in Manhattan, but Tony tried to make something of himself. He broke away from the thug life and went to work as a shop boy, only to find himself pulled back in when his best pal wants to take the streets of New York from the Puerto Ricans. He defied all social conventions by falling in love with a spicy Latina, and then died a heroic death fighting for the love of his young life. Romantic, right? Sure, until you consider'

Wait... what a dick! Tony was a white bread wannabe gangsta who sang and danced like, well, like a white bread wannabe gangsta. He messed around with Bernardo's sister, then stabbed him to death, and then had the nerve to act all surprised when Bernardo's homeboy Chino popped a cap in his ass. Clearly, the thug life taught him nothing. Let's just hope the Afterlife is not such a raging failure.
Roy Neary ' Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977)

Wasn't he a good guy? Nice family guy and general everyman Roy Neary had a decent job, a pretty wife and several precocious children. When his life was turned upside down after seeing UFOs, he tried hard to keep it all together as an obsession with the Devil's Tower consumed him. Still'

Wait... what a dick! Dude went bat-shit. Played with his food. Stole Mrs. Harris' chicken wire and let all her ducks run away just so he could build a half-scale model of a national monument in his living room. Neary carried on a quasi-emotional affair with the Mom from A Christmas Story and became an "Ugly American" in front of the amazing Francois Truffaut when he demanded to speak only to an American.

Finally, Roy dumped his wife and kids for aliens, revealing a spectacular level of selfishness heretofore never before witnessed on Earth. What an intergalactic jerk-off.
Morpheus ' The Matrix trilogy (1999-2003)

Wasn't he a good guy? Morpheus was the Obi-Wan of the Matrix universe: wise beyond his years but still able to kick out the jams and lay a smack or two down when absolutely necessary. For an old dude in spectacles, he was pretty sweet at the old bullet-time ass-kicking too. Plus, he managed to make Keanu Reeves look good. Which is no mean feat.

Wait... what a dick! Just like Qui-Gon Jinn, poor Morpheus suffers from Misguided Prophecy Syndrome when Neo turns out (briefly) not to be The One. He was so upset, he spent the final Matrix movie sulking in a sweater and playing co-pilot to Will Smith's wife. And once you realise his brand of cod-philosophy is ripped off from The Sphinx in Mystery Men, you can't take him seriously ("To learn my teachings, I must first teach you how to learn.") Still, at least we know he likes sweaty underground raves and trance music. Hope you choke on your whistle, doofus.

More:  Top10  Assholes
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