Feature

15 famous movie good guys who were also total dicks

Phyllis

9th September 2009

Mr. Stevens ' The Remains of the Day (1993)



Wasn't he a good guy? Mr. Stevens was the kind of guy you wanted around, if you were a posh English lord. The hardest working butler in the British Isles was a holy terror when it concerned keeping staff in line and dust out of the house. He was a gentleman through and through who could express more emotion in a glance than any other character in modern film history. But then you have to remember'

Wait... what a dick! Mr. Stevens was the best butler around, but he was also slavishly devoted to his pro-Nazi boss' to the point where he did not object when Lord Darlington fired two Jewish housekeepers and ostensibly sent them back to World War II Germany.

He got his elderly dad a job at Darlington Hall but couldn't be bothered to see Pops on the man's deathbed, and was such a cold fish that he couldn't take the hint when the lovely Miss Kenton goes all hot for his bod. Yes, he was efficient, cold and clinical. But so was a certain Fuhrer we won't name.
Robert Thorne ' The Omen (1976)



Wasn't he a good guy? The American Ambassador to Great Britain was a decent chap who loved his wife and looked forward to the day when they would bring children into the world. He always made sure to salute the Embassy marines, and even offered to make a charitable contribution when a hobo-looking priest came sniffing around. Nice enough guy, until you stop and think'

Wait... what a dick! Ambassador Robert Thorne was a sneaky bastard who brought the infant Antichrist into the family when his real son was (allegedly) born dead. Thorne ignored all warnings that said child was, in fact, the Son of Satan and left his mentally-fragile wife alone with the boy and his awesomely evil nanny.

Thorne finally came to the conclusion that the half bazillion or so people who warned him about Damien may have been right when he found 666 literally ingrained into the kid's flesh. Mission to kill Antichrist = EPIC FAIL.
Ashley Wilkes ' Gone With The Wind (1939)



Wasn't he a good guy? Ashley Wilkes was the sort of man you could depend on. A decent, honorable man who was good to his slaves, treated folks with respect and never actually did anything with that Scarlett O'Hara tramp, no matter how much she threw herself at him. Dude was boring as hell, really, until you realise'

Wait... what a dick! He may have never actually gotten horizontal with Scarlett, but he sure did have an emotional affair with her. He was also a member of the Ku Klux Klan, by implication, as revealed when he and the other Sons of the Confederacy opened up a can of whoopass on the shantytown responsible for attacking said tramp.

Let us not forget that the reason his affair with Scarlett remained "emotional" was because he married his cousin, whom he then left to go and fight a losing war against the North, leaving her impoverished and impregnated. Returning home, he impregnated her again, knowing full well that she faced certain death if she dared bring more inbred Wilkes babies into the world. And Rhett was the guy with the bad reputation.
Princess Leia ' Star Wars trilogy (1977-1983)



Wasn't she a good guy? Intelligent and beautiful leader of the Rebel Alliance against the Galactic Empire, Leia went toe to toe with her dad Darth Vader and fought valiantly for freedom and righteousness ' all with the most fabulous hairdo this side of Alderaan. She rescued her boyfriend from the evil clutches of Jabba the Hutt and helped bring down the Emperor's whole operation. Plus, of course, there's that gold bikini.

Wait... what a dick! When you really think about it, Princess Leia was a haughty Alderaanian bitch on wheels who constantly harassed and harangued her rescuers. She allowed her entire planet to be blown to smithereens. She french-kissed her own brother ' and you cannot tell me that she didn't know Luke was her brother, for as she confessed in Return of the Jedi, "Somehow, I've always known." Worst of all, she pussy-whipped Han Solo to within an inch of his former super-cool self.
Father Merrin ' The Exorcist (1973)



Wasn't he a good guy? Father Lancaster Merrin is a Roman Catholic priest and a globetrotting archaeologist all rolled into one very old-looking soul. He's got an awesome name and is apparently on the good side of both the Iraqi National Guard and God ' no mean feat there, and it speaks volumes about his duality as a human being. When it comes to exorcisms, he's all "Been there, done that," and when it turns out that the darling daughter of a world famous movie star has gotten herself possessed by his old enemy Pazuzu, the Archdiocese knows who they're gonna call.

Wait... what a dick! Merrin was a know-it-all priest who interrupts Father Karras (the guy who's actually been on the case for weeks) with his demonological knowledge, then assures Regan's beaten and broken mom that Regan will not die. Well, fuck, somebody's got to die in this movie' and sure enough, the guy who knew it all, the guy who had the guns to combat Satan himself, can't seem to control his own raging heart problem.

When the going gets a little tough, Merrin dies in the middle of the battle, leaving the depressed young priest with faith issues to clean up the satanic pea soup mess. A word of advice to anyone training naive young priests to be exorcists: before you shuffle off this mortal coil in the heat of spiritual warfare, try to make sure you warn them NOT to invite the Devil to come inside of you. I'm just sayin'.

More:  Top10  Assholes
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