the wonder woman theme was performed on an electric cello by tina guo and if this isnt the tightest shit youve ever seen get out of my face pic.twitter.com/OQ1bLSRxSD— paul rudd (@philsadelphia) June 12, 2017
"How is she?"— Chris Hewitt (@ChrisHewitt) June 9, 2017
"She is good."
"How about her?"
"She is also good."
"Train her hard."
"How about... Patty, have I pointed enough?"
There is a great character moment for the villains, which are genuinely quite ineffective, where they toss a gas mask into a room full of choking gas victims. "But the mask doesn't work?" says Elena Anaya's evil doctor. "Yes, but they don't know that!" cackles Danny Huston's evil German. Then they go 'OMG I can't believe you just WENT there' with their body language while laughing, and it's brilliant. I want more villains who display spontaneous acts of needless assholery and fewer 'convoluted grand masterplan' guys.
The ending is so, so bad. Like, actively undoing everything that went before it bad. So bad you will it to end before it kicks its own face off. We get a surprise third act villain, which isn't much of a surprise because there's an actual tangible absence of plot when the 'proper' villain get offed, but it's handled dreadfully. The cool war movie groove you settle into gets shaken into a MILLION-DOLLAR SUPERHERO MOVIE ENDING complete with explosions, random unexplained powers, monologuing and some genuinely execrable dialogue. I'm all for rug pulls (still giddy over The Mandarin, yo) but this ladles cringe on top of cringe until you can't bear to watch it any more.
Also terrible: the scene at the movie's climax, when a bunch of German soldiers wake up after the big ridiculous action scene and rub their eyes at the new dawn, like, 'We've finally been released from the evil spell!' This is what's known as 'problematic' in internet circles. Wonder Woman is going with the official line that German officers operating under the Kaiser in the First World War were doing so because of magic. You had one job, war biographers.
Instead of casting Ewen Bremner as sharp-shooter Charlie, the filmmakers appear to have accidentally cast his Trainspotting character, Spud, who appears strung out, bug-eyed and gurning throughout. It's most distracting.
This is true of most movies, but it could have done with more lesbians.
If I had to rate the banter between soldiers in this movie on the bantometer - the official metric for ranking banter - then it would score poorly. Chris Pine and his ethnically diverse war buddies don't share much in the way of joshy war larks, nor do you get the sense that they'd be fun drinking buddies. Crucially, at no point does anyone say something along the lines of "Uh oh, this sounds like the Philadelphia job again!" which is a cornerstone of male bonding and banter in general. Why even go to war if you're not going to bant about it, lads?
A nice side effect of Patty Jenkins directing Wonder Woman is that we're not forced to view the movie, and the star, via the typical male gaze. I don't think there's a single butt shot or sideboob or gusset flash or gratuity. In fact, Chris Pine is really the one being objectified here, which is fine, obviously, because if you're offended you're ridiculous and Men's Rights is nothing. Apart from general short-skirtyness, which I guess you'd categorise under 'empowerment' (I bet no one tells Aquaman how to dress in the workplace), there is only one flash of flesh, when Gal Gadot stands towering above Pine, wearing only a fur coat and showing a bit of thigh. It's sexy as hell. I have no idea what Gal Gadot's tits look like and I couldn't be happier.