7 ways to create a Bond cinematic universe

The movie world was rocked recently when a man literally tweeted the shit out of an unsubstantiated rumour that Bond producers want to establish a James Bond Cinematic Universe just like Marvel, DC and all those other hugely successful cinematic universes, such as... Transformers? The Mummy? Wait, I know this one. Don't tell me...

The point is, a James Bond cinematic universe makes perfect sense if you are a James Bond producer and have run out of swimming pools filled with liquid gold. But how to achieve it? What creative spark is required to organically set up the expansion of this fictional world? Don't worry, the Broccolis, we've got you covered...
All Bonds exist at the same time like in Doctor Who



In an unprecedented all-star line-up, every Bond actor to date will unite in one Bondtastic adventure, just like in that episode of Doctor Who that some people watched. Will Sean Connery's Bond try to slap the silliness out of Roger Moore's Bond? Will Daniel Craig's Bond share shag stories with Timothy Dalton's Bond? Pierce Brosnan's Bond will also be there! Will George Lazenby's Bond be allowed to speak? Cue lots of downing of martinis and macho bickering, but ultimately the Bonds will learn to all leave George Lazenby's Bond behind and work together to save the day.

Why it probably won't happen: Daniel Craig has suggested that he isn't interested in playing Bond further than his contracted films.
The Saint went into witness protection and became James Bond, because Roger Moore



Linking up one massive film franchise with another recognisable property that last saw Val Kilmer wearing a rubber nose, just imagine the fan delight at discovering that James Bond was Simon Templar all along! It turns out that the cheeky adventurer known as the Saint was forced to go into a witness protection programme in which he went deep undercover as the cheeky adventurer James Bond! Who knew? It's the movie crossover that Roger Moore would have always wanted and would result in a series of cheeky adventurer films about two entirely different cheeky adventurers who are actually the same cheeky adventurer! (*looks up at cartoon halo and winks at camera*)

Why it probably won't happen: This would effectively make Val Kilmer an in-canon Bond and simply no one would stand for it.
Create a Fleming-verse



With such a rich world of characters at his disposal, it's time to join all of Ian Fleming's great literary creations in one movie verse. Imagine James Bond meeting the Child Catcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, or the real-life member of the International Diamond Security Organisation interviewed in Fleming's famous non-fiction work The Diamond Smugglers, not to mention the many world cities that Fleming wrote about in his regular Sunday Times column that were then collected in another non-fiction book called Thrilling Cities. And that's all.

Why it probably won't happen: It's just really difficult to write a script that pays due service to each element of such a sprawling ensemble cast.
Do a deal with Marvel



Following suit from Sony's desperate plea for Marvel to 'make Spider-Man good again', a deal could be struck that will see James Bond enter the MCU in Avengers: Infinity War. As a smooth-talking, hard-drinking, gadget-laden, horrendously smug man of action, Bond is basically a shoo-in to take over as Iron Man when Tony Stark hangs up his armour and, after a botched mission to kill Thanos, Bond would probably save the day by seducing the giant purple bastard instead.

Why it probably won't happen: A licence to kill is a problematic concept when it comes to creating toy merchandise for kids.
Twist! He was part of the Shyamalaniverse all along!



Imagine the scene: having just saved the free world from a lethal pathogen released by crackpot megalomaniac Petrov Poisonheimer, he lays in an open field about to put his penis into a vagina while the whole of MI6 watch on a giant screen. Q rolls his eyes and makes a comment about him being incorrigible, but who is he speaking to? Dead people, of course! It turns out that Haley Joel Osment in The Sixth Sense grew up to become Q! Twist!

Why it probably won't happen: He probably wouldn't do it in an open field, actually. Maybe some bushes? Or an airport runway?
James Bond goes to the cinema on his day off and watches a completely unrelated film that is still now technically part of the Bond universe



After a particularly dangerous mission in Monte Carlo, Bond takes some much-needed time out to catch a late night retrospective showing of Rocky IV at his local cinema, thus making it part of Bond canon. Will he ever meet star Sylvester Stallone and team-up for a crazy adventure? It doesn't matter - the crossover has already happened now. Shared universe achieved.

Why it probably won't happen: Rocky IV is quite an old movie now so Bond would probably choose to go see the latest Judd Apatow instead.
Spin-off some the characters, maybe? I don't know



There could be a Miss Moneypenny film which would basically be like a Bond movie but with a female lead. And there could be Q, and M, not to mention double-0s 1-6. Basically EON Productions will attempt to trademark every letter and number, claiming creative authorship. Then there'll be a mini-series in which Albert Finney is the caretaker of a largely empty house for 20 years.

Why it probably won't happen: It's this, isn't it. This is what's going to happen.