A few of my favourite tweets from The Wright Stuff

Every weekday morning while waiting for the train, I like to use my mobile telephone to look at Twitter, in order to stave off the necessity of reading the book I've had in my bag for the last eight months. At that time of day, my feed is largely composed of people who think it's acceptable to tweet "Good morning!" every day, Rio Ferdinand live-tweeting the school run, and a stream of nonsense from The Wright Stuff account that I have come to believe may be an intentional dadaist art experiment.

If you aren't familiar with The Wright Stuff, the structure runs thus: harmless berk Matthew Wright and a string of D-listers wholly unqualified to do so sit in a row and discuss one or two big issues of the day, and about 20 that have no possible relevance to any member of the human race. Meanwhile, the Great British Public contact them by Twitter, email and phone to spew out half-baked opinions based on a shaky grasp of fact and logic. Every now and then, Wright says something controversial, such as when he accidentally outed John Leslie as the subject of a rape allegation by Ulrika Jonsson, and everyone remembers for a couple of days that he's alive, then forgets again.

Pleasingly, though, you can enjoy a quick précis of the show without ever having to watch it, by looking at its Twitter feed at around 8am when it's sending out the questions of the day.
Partridgian non-sequiturs

Think back to some of Alan Partridge's best radio phone-in questions ("Which is the worst monger: fish, iron, rumour or war?") and you're on the right track.

And we'll be asking how many is too many pets? Give us a call on 0207 173 5555. We'll see you live on @channel5_tv at 9:15am tomorrow.

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) November 3, 2013

Can you shame yourself thin?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) August 13, 2013

Plus, is eight too young to come out as gay? Has Jane Austen been prettified for the new £10 note? & do the best marriages start at work?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) October 31, 2013

Do heroes always disappoint you in the end?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) September 23, 2013

Do happy people make you sad? .@kirstydf

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) September 26, 2013

RT @5wrightstuff: Do you take your own food on holiday? If so what tasty treats do you pack? Join us at 9.15am

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) August 19, 2013

Is it ever ok to kill a spider?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) October 1, 2013

Is TV on demand the devil’s work?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) September 12, 2013

What's happened to teen babysitters? Why do parents now prefer to rely on grandparents rather than a teenage neighbour or friend?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) August 26, 2013

Should you teach your kids to fight?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) August 19, 2013

Should every family go camping once?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) August 9, 2013

Should we call time on the high five?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) July 22, 2013

Is 40 too old to skateboard?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) August 8, 2013

What makes women kill?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) August 5, 2013

Are council officials wrong to ban a disabled orgy?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) September 1, 2013

There's an issue in here somewhere

I enjoy these ones because the habit of taking an obvious non-issue and discussing it seriously reminds me of the final episode of Bottom, in which Eddie is filming Richie introducing a Kilroy-style talk show. The issue for discussion he poses to camera as he walks down the stairs in a silver wig is: "Should traffic wardens be armed?"

Wildlife campaigners say keeping cats in after dark will save millions of songbirds and small mammals. Should pets have curfews?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) August 1, 2013

Are pink and blue Kinder Surprise eggs sexist?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) August 6, 2013

Are you duty-bound to check with your neighbours if the hot weather means you decide to have a barbeque?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) July 24, 2013

Do you have to invite the whole class to your kid's birthday party? & can a DNA paternity test do more harm than good? See you at 9:15!

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) October 15, 2013

And should the law step in to decide who gets your pets when you split? 0207 173 5555 is the number for your calls. See on Channel 5 at 9:15

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) October 8, 2013

Is hip hop Shakespeare racist? Some say it's racist and patronising. Others don't see the problem if it can engage and inspire kids.

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) October 3, 2013

Who should pay if an item you lend out gets stolen? If you’re not prepared to lose something, shouldn’t you just refuse to lend it?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) September 23, 2013

Why do some women keep their ex’s surname after they split?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) September 5, 2013

Big talk

This is just the kind of hard-hitting content The Wright Stuff is famous for.

Who decides what you do on your honeymoon? What if one of you wants to lounge on a sunny beach, while the other wants to go camping?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) September 15, 2013

Do you find that having a great summer makes winter harder to bear?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) September 19, 2013

Is a hug is as good as a kiss? Or would alarm bells start ringing if your if your other half was more interested in cuddling than smooching?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) September 5, 2013

Can you be too sexy? Is there a limit to how sexy one person can be?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) July 29, 2013

Should we bring back dinosaurs? Boffins reckon the science is nearly there. But should we? Just because we can, does that mean we should?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) August 27, 2013

Would you pay more for a plane ticket if it meant you could sit away from noisy kids?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) August 29, 2013

Do you think less of a bloke if he’s never been in a fight?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) August 8, 2013

Are you wasting your life if you go on the same holiday, year in, year out?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) July 30, 2013

What should you do when someone else’s ball lands in your back garden? Do you have a neighbourly duty to keep on chucking them back over?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) August 5, 2013

Wait, what?

And these ... I mean, I've no idea.

Is it your duty to have less clothes but spend more on individual pieces?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) September 18, 2013

Is having choice is all it’s cracked up to be?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) September 5, 2013

We also want to know if you should keep your trainers boxfresh! And whether a gift is always yours to keep? See you at 9:15 sharp on Monday!

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) October 13, 2013

What should be national the animal for the UK? We’ve had a lion since the crusades. But that isn't very British is it.

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) July 31, 2013

Are you a fake hypocrite who buys fake designer goods? If so why won't you admit it?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) October 2, 2013

Loud and proud. Do we really love loud and proud types? Or are they just a bit annoying?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) September 17, 2013

Sir Tony Robinson cliams that men spending 2 years in women's clothing would change their views of the world for the better. Your thoughts.

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) September 13, 2013

Should we teach kids that dreams just don't come true?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) August 15, 2013

Would you take a death test?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) August 14, 2013

Wait, maybe they're on to something here

Is the internet just filling our heads with rubbish?

— The Wright Stuff (@5WrightStuff) October 3, 2013

I'd ring in to debate this one if I wasn't busy on the internet filling people's heads with rubbish.