Feature

Bootleg toys fund terrorism: worst movie toy knock-offs

Matt

10th December 2010

Christmas is fast approaching and not everyone can afford to buy their kids a full-sized working Iron Man suit, but be extra wary of these bootleg movie toy knock-offs.

With a trained eye, it's easy to spot the faint tell-tale differences between official movie merchandise and cheap tat thrown together by a prison full of Korean kids. Pay close attention and make sure you can tell these sordid cash-ins from the real deal - otherwise little Tommy might accidentally cut himself on Spider-Guy's Energon Stick and catch Hepatitis C.

Robert Cop

Someone somewhere is pitching this idea as a TV pilot to a major network.

"His name is Robert Cop and it just so happens that he's a cop...who dresses like a robot."
"That's great, son. Let's see if we can get Nathan Fillion on the phone."

SilverBat

Thought the Batmobile was tricked out? Get a load of Silver Bat and his crime-fighting horse, cantering after master criminals and snorting in the face of Gotham's gangsters.

Star Knight

When the biggest, baddest motherfucker in the galaxy is enforcing the law from a Police scooter, you know it's the end of the world. He's more machine than man now, everyone just wishes it was a machine that looked a little bit cooler than this.

Super Electric Thomas

Half-Transformer, half-Thomas the Tank Engine, ALL deadly killer robot.

Spader-man

James Spader dressed as Spider-man. Warning: instead of rescuing you from that impending car crash, he may wait for it to happen and then have sex with you.

HarryPottermobile

Cruising round Diagon Alley in this pimped-out hot-rod, H-Pozzle is the prime wizard per-lay-er! Sorry Ron, I can't practice Quidditch with you tonight - I have plans...with your sister. Boo-yah!

Specialman

Aww, who's my little Specialman? That's right, you're my little Specialman! Yes, you are! Now put this helmet on before you go play with the other superheroes.

Follow us on Twitter @The_Shiznit for more fun features, film reviews and occasional commentary on what the best type of crisps are.
We are using Patreon to cover our hosting fees. So please consider chucking a few digital pennies our way by clicking on this link. Thanks!

Share This