Bootleg toys fund terrorism: worst movie toy knock-offs
Posted by Matt at 14:36 on 10 Dec 2010
With a trained eye, it's easy to spot the faint tell-tale differences between official movie merchandise and cheap tat thrown together by a prison full of Korean kids. Pay close attention and make sure you can tell these sordid cash-ins from the real deal - otherwise little Tommy might accidentally cut himself on Spider-Guy's Energon Stick and catch Hepatitis C.
Someone somewhere is pitching this idea as a TV pilot to a major network.
"His name is Robert Cop and it just so happens that he's a cop...who dresses like a robot."
"That's great, son. Let's see if we can get Nathan Fillion on the phone."
Thought the Batmobile was tricked out? Get a load of Silver Bat and his crime-fighting horse, cantering after master criminals and snorting in the face of Gotham's gangsters.
When the biggest, baddest motherfucker in the galaxy is enforcing the law from a Police scooter, you know it's the end of the world. He's more machine than man now, everyone just wishes it was a machine that looked a little bit cooler than this.
Half-Transformer, half-Thomas the Tank Engine, ALL deadly killer robot.
James Spader dressed as Spider-man. Warning: instead of rescuing you from that impending car crash, he may wait for it to happen and then have sex with you.
Cruising round Diagon Alley in this pimped-out hot-rod, H-Pozzle is the prime wizard per-lay-er! Sorry Ron, I can't practice Quidditch with you tonight - I have plans...with your sister. Boo-yah!
Aww, who's my little Specialman? That's right, you're my little Specialman! Yes, you are! Now put this helmet on before you go play with the other superheroes.