Careers advice: being on X Factor or chimney sweeping?

Chimney sweep Kye Sones (real name Kye Sones) wowed X Factor judges and audiences alike this weekend with his rendition of a thing by someone or other. But would he be better off sticking to the brushes? We found out. Well, we made up some evidence and then pretended to find it out.

It has long been the position of The X Factor that singing covers of Adele songs is a far better career path than anything else you could possibly imagine. Think back to Irish Mary two years ago, who was told every weekend: "We don't want you to go back to working the Tesco checkout on Monday, Mary: you're worth so much more than that."

And quite right, too. Anyone working the checkout in a supermarket should of course be thoroughly ashamed of their station in life, and aspire instead to be on The X Factor. Anyone doing any job, for that matter.



So when chimney sweep Kye Sones blew everyone away with his audition, Louis Walsh remarked:

Walsh knows a thing or two about good career choices, of course, having helped acts such as Wonderland, Shayne Ward and Samantha Mumba to sustained, long-lasting success. So let's look at the two lines of work side by side.

Job security Great while your star's burning bright, ie until about six seconds after the X Factor tour finishes. Just try not to get dropped by Simon Cowell's record label after your debut album sells about 50 copies and the next series has started.		Job security Hey, everyone's got a chimney. And everyone needs it swept. You, sir, with but a brush and a dream, are now an indispensable commodity.
Creative freedom "Sure, doing Steps covers isn't really where I ultimately want to be in my creative headspace. But Simon says that once I've done the single, the album and the promotional calendar with my shirt off, he'll listen to one of my songs down the phone from California. I owe that man my life."		Creative freedom Your brush is your own. You can choose your own outfit. You can customise your van however you want it. Want to listen to a little Beck or God Speed You Black Emperor while you work? Have at it, son.
Pressure Immense, breakdown-inducing pressure, which you're expected to deal with despite being 17. Expect any past indiscretion, character flaw or insecurity to be highlighted by the press and on Twitter within seconds of your first appearance. But you can turn this to your advantage by crying a lot on camera and repeating how you want to do this for your dead grandmother/uncle in Iraq/lost stone of puppy fat.		Pressure Ever see a chimney sweep? Most carefree guys in the world, right? You literally whistle while you work and people bring you tea the whole time.
Clothing requirements Whatever the hell you're told to wear. Hipster glasses, vests, luminous Nike ankle boots.		Clothing requirements Just wear something old so it can get all sooty.
Unwinding after a day's work		Unwinding after a day's work

So you see, don't get dazzled by the glitz, the glamour and the bright lights. Being a chimney sweep is far better than ... um ... actually, the unwinding thing pretty much wins it for X Factor, doesn't it? Shit.