DWARF WARS: Davis vs Dinklage

With Life's Too Short premiering on BBC2 tonight, small people are pretty big at the moment. Time, then, for what will be the first in a ... what? Yes, yes, it'll definitely be a regular series: DWARF WARS.

To my mind, there are two actors of limited height who can lay claim to the title King of the TV Dwarves. But who is it? Life's Too Short's Warwick Davis? Or Game of Thrones's Peter Dinklage? FIGHT!

Height: 3ft 6in. Credits: Played noted Ewok Wicket W. Warrick in Return of the Jedi and Professor Filius Flitwick and Griphook in the Harry Potter films. Plus, motherfucker was WILLOW, yo. Let's see a SHORT clip LOL: Described as: "The Tom Cruise of midget actors", which is confusing given that he's a dwarf rather than a midget and this is from his own website. Or, hang on, is a dwarf a type of midget? What do you mean, "poorly researched"? Probably shouldn't have done that one: Reprised the role of Leprechaun in the sequel Leprechaun: In the Hood, in which some wannabe rappers accidentally free a Leprechaun imprisoned by an evil rap mogul. The MacGuffin is a "magical flute with mind-altering capabilities". Best thread title on his IMDb board: "Does this mean his kids will be 'small' too?" Go on, dress up in a funny costume: Willingness to stand next to really tall people for cheap LULZ: Absolute theoretical probability. Stands next to Stephen Merchant the whole time. Also has expanded the remit of his agency for short actors to take on clients over seven feet tall, so it must happen all the time, right? Hey, did you ever get stoned with Ice-T while dressed as a leprechaun?:

Height: 4ft 5in. Credits: Won lots of plaudits for his role in The Station Agent, plus an Emmy for Game of Thrones. On a personal note, I thought he OWNED in Underdog. Let's see a SHORT clip LOL: Described as: "The Warwick Davis of dwarf actors", by me, if Davis is calling himself a midget these days. Probably shouldn't have done that one: TV movie Ultra, whose IMDb synopsis reads: "A single superhero juggles her crime-fighting career with the demands of her active social life." Best thread title on his IMDb board: "Hey Shorty, Here's to a BIG win" Go on, dress up in a funny costume: Willingness to stand next to really tall people for cheap LULZ: Yeah, probably not, to be honest. It's almost as if he's not prepared to cheapen himself for the amusement of others. Spoilsport. Hey, did you ever get karate-chopped by Colin Farrell while some hookers watched?:

Verdict: Dinklage shades it in height, but Davis takes it overall. Why? Because he's a much cheerier chap if you ask me. If you're at the premiere for The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian and you're at a photocall with a load of improbably white-toothed youngsters, the least you can do is crack a damn smile.


Good on you, Warwick! (*tousles hair*)