Farewell The Vic: We Are Not Amused

She's seen everything in Albert Square. Watched over it through births, deaths, and shocking revelations, always ready with a pint of mild or a G&T to take the edge off.
No, not Peggy "Faaaamily" Mitchell - I'm talking about The Queen Vic. Farewell, old friend, until we meet again. The Queen is dead! Long live The Queen!

Tonight sees Barbara Windsor's last appearance in EastEnders, for maybe 2 years till her agent gets her back for Sam's funeral or Pat's 80th birthday. Everyone's making a big old fuss about her departure, being as she's been on this show on and off for 16 years.
What no one seems to be giving a chuff about is that last night, inadvertently hilarious crack addict Phil Mitchell (did you see? He's like Steptoe) completely destroyed The Queen Victoria with one bottle of vodka and a match. That building and her marvellous bust (still not talking about Peggy) have stood, red and parochial, since Grant Mitchell tried burning it down in 1992. All that got them was new loos and a wall mounted jukebox. This time, they're gutting the poor girl completely, and why? H-bloody-D.

That's right, some focus group or other has decided that The Vic is too ugly in High Definition and needs to be completely refurbished and prettied up for her close up. No-one seems to realise that a) it's East London; it's supposed to look like a craphole, that's part of it's charm, and b) you can gussy up the background all you like, but there's still going to be Phil Mitchell's big red sweaty face in all it's fully defined glory. Try burning that down first, eh?

To celebrate the Vic's glorious reign over The Square, we look back at some of the more memorable events to have happened inside her.

6 Months To Live

In 1986, Den and Angie Watts' marriage was stretched to breaking point. Den's mistress Jan Hammond had turned up, and he was ready to pack in the Vic and ride off into the sunset with her. Then Angie drops a bombshell; she's only got 6 months to live. Dum-dum-dum dadadadadadadadum indeed.
The first of EastEnders' fabled two-handers, and the first of its kind in SoapLand at all, it was a bit of a risk for the showrunners to take. Long before Leslie Grantham was a dirty internet finger-sucker, he and Anita Dobson were the reason people tuned into 'Enders, and in this episode they both hit it out the park; if you've got half an hour, watch the whole thing.

Sidebar - The Vic in the 80s appears to be constructed entirely of cardboard and no-one minded, HD.

Michelle Fowler Gets Shot

Grant Mitchell is a bad influence. It's probably all those gangs he hangs around with. In 1994, he got involved with one of his old army mates, Dougie Briggs, a psychotic rapist/murderer, and ended up in a hostage situation in The Vic whilst Dougie tried to convince Sharon to run away with him. Told you he was psychotic.
Michelle didn't really feature in the plot, she was just working on the bar that night and got caught in the crossfire. Unlucky! I think she'll be okay, because apparently she got shot by one of those pesky ketchup shotguns.

Den Gets Killed... Again

What kind of putz manages to get himself murdered twice?
Den Watts, that's what kind.
After being shot and dumped in a canal by local heavies The Firm, Den was presumed dead for 14 years. In 2003, a year that some have heralded as the beginning of bloody stunt casting and terrible ret-conning, Den returned.
He was only back for two years, but in that time Den managed to impregnate one woman, have affairs with three and reconcile, fall out with, reconcile again and then lose all of his children. Can't say he's not a busy man.
In the end, everyone decided that the plots were just too damn ridiculous and three witches of East London got together to end it once and for all. Now he resides forever in the cellar of the pub he loved so much.

Little Mo Gets Raped... Again

Does this show really go out at 7.30? No wonder the youth of today are all mental like.
Poor Little Mo; she'd suffered through being married to Trevor The Psycho (who raped her as well. Yikes!), and living with that family of harpies her whole life, only to gain some independence and backbone, marry her beloved Billy Mitchell - another of life's winners - and strike out in the world as Maureen, no longer little Mo.

Then she met Graham Foster, a seemingly nice, quiet man with a similar interest in crosswords and pens. They were friends, and one night she let him hang about while she cleaned up after work and... well... poor Little Mo.

Hey, sometimes nice things happen...

It's not always rapings and shootings, sometimes there's collective smiling and Dickensian snow. This is East London at Christmas guv'nor, after all, penny for a turkey?
Kat Slater and Alfie Moon were the perfect couple, they managed to occasionally be happy and neither of them are dead. After months of obstacles and misunderstandings, where Kat nearly misunderstood herself married to Evil Andy Hunter, The Moons finally made it down the aisle. Well, down the food-serving section of the bar anyway.
Fittingly, perhaps, it's these lovely cockerneys that are coming back to resurrect our charred local. Knowing them, it'll be a mash-up of leopard print stilettos and Hawaiian shirts. Mind your eyes.