Films on TV round-up: Licence to Spiel(berg)

FACT: films on TV are better than films on DVD. All they take is a simple remote click as opposed to going to all the trouble of inserting a disc, and they often come with those handy loo breaks, which in no way disrupt narrative flow.

Commencing: Monday 19th September 2011

Goldeneye (1995) Monday, 10:00pm, ITV2



11 years before he rebooted the superspy franchise properly with Casino Royale, director Martin Campbell tried it before with this typical 90s actioner. Pierce Brosnan takes over from Timothy Dalton and bungee jumps headfirst into his Bond debut, facing off against former double-oh Sean Bean.

Unlike Casino Royale's strict adherence to a gritty reality, Goldeneye still revels in a cheesey side to Bond. Although introducing, for the first time, Judi Dench as M, the film also features Robbie Coltrane as criminal informant Valentin Zukovsky, Alan Cumming as pen-clicking IT-maniac Boris and Famke Janssen as Xenia Onatopp, who crushes her enemies with killer thighs.

At a time when Daniel Craig is manning up the 007 name with ocean-soaked chest muscles, Brosnan remains a suave Roger Moore-esque Bond with smug spy moves rather than brutal punching skillz. Still, he was a damn sight better than Timothy Dalton's over-emotional version. (*leaves can of worms open and moves on*)
War Of The Worlds (2005) Wednesday, 10:00pm, Film4



"The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one", he said, but 'he' wasn't counting on Spielberg's obsession with the extra-terrestrial. And, this time, he's brought along volcano-alien worshipping Cruise for the ride.

Half-remake of the classic 1953 film (based on the classic HG Wells novel), and half re-telling from a different point of view, Spielberg and Cruise seemingly made this film in a matter of months, proving that the bearded master is already at the top of his game. Patchy, and bearing the Spielberg trademarks of daddy issues combined with unrealistically schmaltzy ending, the film still impresses with some excellent CGI alien disintegrations and awesome technical shots.

Plus, during filming, it is at all possible that Cruise believed he was making yet another Scientology recruitment video telling newcomers to the religion what awaits them in the afterlife upon the wooden planet of Zarquix 7, or some such shit.
Also on this week

X-Men: The Last Stand Monday, 6:50pm, Film4
Australia Monday, 9:00pm, Film4
The Fifth Element Monday, 9:00pm, 5*
The Shining Monday, 10:00pm, ITV4
Children Of Men Monday, 10:35pm, ITV1
Eye Of The Beholder Tuesday, 12:05am, BBC1
Battleship Potemkin Tuesday, 12:10am, Film4
Ripley's Game Tuesday, 1:40am, Channel 4
The Abyss Tuesday, 6:15pm, Film4
Titanic Tuesday, 9:00pm, Film4
The Replacement Killers Tuesday, 9:00pm, 5USA
Exit Through The Gift Shop Tuesday, 10:00pm, More4
Out Of Reach Tuesday, 10:00pm, Syfy
Raw Deal Tuesday, 10:00pm, ITV4
US Marshals Tuesday, 10:00pm, Sky1
Ali G Indahouse Tuesday, 11:00pm, Channel 5
Amistad Tuesday, 11:35pm, BBC1
The Omen Wednesday, 12.40am, Film4
Today You Die Wednesday, 1:00am, Syfy
The Parent Trap Wednesday, 6:35pm, Film4
Flash Gordon Wednesday, 7.45pm, ITV4
The Devil Wears Prada Wednesday, 8:00pm, E4
Kingdom of Heaven Wednesday, 9:00pm, Film4
Sleeping With The Enemy Wednesday, 10:10pm, E4
I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry Wednesday, 11:00pm, ITV2
The Simpsons Movie Thursday, 7:15pm, Film4
The Jerk Thursday, 9:00pm, ITV4
Flags Of Our Fathers Thursday, 9:00pm, Film4
American Pie 2 Thursday, 10:45pm, ITV2
Letters From Iwo Jima Thursday, 11:35pm, Film4
Crash Friday, 9:00pm, More4
Hard To Kill Friday, 9:00pm, 5USA
Heat Friday, 9:00pm, Film4
Cliffhanger Friday, 10:00pm, Watch
Jackie Chan's Police Story Friday, 11:00pm, Syfy
Parenthood Friday, 11:10pm, ITV3
Jarhead Friday, 11:15pm, ITV4
Zulu Dawn Saturday, 6:00pm, Channel 5
The Missing Saturday, 7.30pm, 5USA
The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen Saturday, 9:00pm, Sky1
Saving Private Ryan Saturday, 9:00pm, Film4
The Wedding Date Saturday, 9:15pm, E4
Calendar Girls Saturday, 10:00pm, BBC2
American Gangster Saturday, 10:30pm, ITV1