Feature
Four things that might have happened in Terra Nova by now
TV Feature
Ed Williamson
16th November 2011
Is anyone still watching Terra Nova? What's happening? How many of them have been eaten by dinosaurs yet? Let me guess, the main characters tend to narrowly escape every time, right?
Now, I have no intention at all of catching up by actually watching it, but I am kind of intrigued as to which direction it's heading in. This is a group of people rebuilding the human race from scratch, after all. The possibilities are endless. Here's a few I hope they've considered.
These people are children of capitalism. It's in their blood. You can't tell me they're going to head off to some verdant, unspoilt utopia then not start itching for a double vente frappemochalattechino with a white chocolate and banana muffin as soon as they get there. Soon as someone figures out how to make that milk-steaming machine it's BOOM! Instant globalisation.
As any regular contributor to the comments boards under articles on the Daily Mail website will tell you, the global imposition of Sharia law is inevitable. In Terra Nova, the dinosaurs have realised this and submitted to it within weeks, adopting the burkha as a way to demonstrate their modesty before Allah.
Obviously I realise this makes little sense. Mainly I just liked the idea of dinosaurs wearing burkhas, thought it would look funny, knocked up a ham-fisted Photoshop then tried to write some sort of flimsy justification around it.
The early bartering system favoured by Terra Novans eventually gives way to a primitive currency, which comes to be used by default for all trades after the first twenty years or so.
But after that they collectively realise that one currency isn't enough: they need a system that rewards regular trading with certain vendors by awarding tokens that are of no material worth, but that the customer decides he wants to earn as many of as possible because the very act of accumulating them gives him a misguided sense of accomplishment.
It has long been my belief that, if presented fairly as an option alongside all other major sports, snooker would prove the most popular to a nascent culture. My attempts to demonstrate this on a South American tribe hitherto uncontacted by Western civilisation were described as 'reckless and without purpose' by several respected anthropologists, but I'm convinced that the Terra Novans will have proved my theory by now.
In all likelihood it has become so popular that they have dispensed with any notion of living as a secular society and started worshipping Tony Drago as a god.
Follow us on Twitter @The_Shiznit for more fun features, film reviews and occasional commentary on what the best type of crisps are.
We are using Patreon to cover our hosting fees. So please consider chucking a few digital pennies our way by clicking on this link. Thanks!
Support Us
Follow Us
Recent Highlights
-
Review: Jackass Forever is a healing balm for our bee-stung ballsack world
Movie Review
-
Review: Black Widow adds shades of grey to the most interesting Avenger
Movie Review
-
Review: Fast & Furious 9 is a bloodless blockbuster Scalextric
Movie Review
-
Review: Wonder Woman 1984 is here to remind you about idiot nonsense cinema
Movie Review
-
Review: Borat Subsequent Moviefilm arrives on time, but is it too little, or too much?
Movie Review
Advertisement
And The Rest
-
Review: The Creator is high-end, low-tech sci-fi with middling ambitions
Movie Review
-
Review: The Devil All The Time explores the root of good ol' American evil
Movie Review
-
Review: I'm Thinking Of Ending Things is Kaufman at his most alienating
Movie Review
-
Review: The Babysitter: Killer Queen is a sequel that's stuck in the past
Movie Review
-
Review: The Peanut Butter Falcon is more than a silly nammm peanut butter
Movie Review
-
Face The Music: The Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey soundtrack is most outstanding
Movie Feature
-
Review: Tenet once again shows that Christopher Nolan is ahead of his time
Movie Review
-
Review: Project Power hits the right beats but offers nothing new
Movie Review
-
Marvel's Cine-CHAT-ic Universe: Captain America: Civil War (2016)
Movie Feature
-
Review: Host is a techno-horror that dials up the scares
Movie Review