Feature
Hopes for The Snowman And The Snowdog
TV Feature
Ed Williamson
14th December 2012
A sequel to Christmas classic The Snowman hits our screens on Christmas Eve. I don't know about you, but I'm hoping it desecrates the original and sullies the memories of my childhood forever. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
Everything's in 3D. Kids don't want to see anything else. It's only adults who realise it's rubbish. So basically it'll be exactly the same as it would've been, only there'll be a snowball thrown straight at you every 15 seconds.
Off the top of my head I can't think of an Adam Sandler Christmas movie but there's bound to be one somewhere.
The original was much revered for its voiceless understatement, relying on the music and the carefully rendered animation to draw out its emotion. Nothing like that gets made these days: TV execs would shit themselves at the prospect. The answer: go balls-to-the-wall Sandler on it, and make the Snowman a simple-minded yet gold-hearted New Yorker.
Disney seem to own everything else these days, from Star Wars to very probably the deeds to my flat, so it stands to reason they've most likely got a chunk of the Snowman franchise. They'll be wanting to start the Star Wars episode VII cross-marketing as soon as possible, so expect an oddly-shaped snow mound to suddenly explode (with bits of 3D snow flying at you, obviously) to reveal Jar-Jar, saying "Ohhh, whosa gotta mince pie for Jar-Jar?" or something. They'll probably punch up the dialogue a bit. But not much.
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