RT if you would buy a ticket to see Demolition Man 2 in a heartbeat pic.twitter.com/VcIPYI1c81— Ali Gray (@The_Shiznit) August 2, 2017
For starters, the action genre is ripe for a poke in the ribs right about now. What even is the action genre in 2017? Take away superhero movies, Transformers and your po-faced John Wicks of the world, and what have you got? We've moved past blowing shit up for fun and making wise-ass remarks, for shame. Action films can be violent, clever and fun - you don't have to pick two.
Let's break down what the first Demolition Man left on the field. You've got old school cop John Spartan thawed out in the San Angeles Of 2032, presumably still shacked up with retro-aficionado Lenina Huxley (Sandra Bullock, schedule pending) and still raising one quizzical eyebrow at the massive collective pussy humanity has become. You've got a terrifying future world with flying cars and sex hats and novelty ways of wiping one's anus. You've got gags at the expense of ubiquitous corporations, and a healthy suspicion of the moneyed and wealthy. This is a satirical universe which begs further exploration.
The key to this isn't Stallone, the old war horse still chewing the same old hay - it's Wesley Snipes. Oh yes. Fresh from prison and keen to get all caught up. Sound familiar? Simon Phoenix, the homicidal maniac, was killed at the end of Demolition Man. You remember. He dies in the exact same way the T-1000 (almost) died in Terminator 2 one year prior, by being frozen by liquid nitrogen and subsequently shattered.
Fuck all that. Bring Simon Phoenix back. It's the future! Make something up! An ex-government behavioural scientist unlocks Simon Phoenix's chaotic DNA and accidentally creates an entire army of Simon Phoenixes, all dressed identically in orange vests and denim dungarees. They encourage each others' darkest impulses. They kill and fuck and multiply until San Angeles is flooded with Phoenixes, all risen and determined to burn the city to ashes.
That's when John Spartan steps up with his masterplan: he'll have to thaw out his old 1996 buddies to help him bring the Phoenix army to justice. There's Chopper (Jason Statham), Gripper (Michael B Jordan), Eggy (Oscar-winner Adrien Brody) and Rosbif (Jean-Claude Van Damme). Either that or he has to shrink himself and inject himself into Simon Phoenix's bloodstream to stop him at a chromosomal level. Or travel back in time. Or become a robot. Or there's some sort of big climax on a zeppelin. I don't know, I haven't worked through it yet. I'm not going to sit here and share all my billion-dollar ideas with you.
I digress. Demolition Man is 25 years old next year, and to be honest, Stallone hasn't got that much left in his back catalogue to raid (two of the films he has listed on IMDB as 'coming soon' are sequels to Escape Plan). The concept is future proof and chimes with Stallone's whole 'analogue dude in a digital era' thing. The film has grown in status since release and has become a subversive cult classic. Wesley Snipes resurrection has already been branded as the Wesurrection. There's a hashtag waiting. I will make myself available for screenwriting duties.
I've put the word out.
@TheSlyStallone Hello Sly. Please make Demolition Man 2. I will write it if you want. The world needs more John Spartan. DM me if interested— Ali Gray (@The_Shiznit) August 8, 2017
@wesleysnipes Hi Mr Snipes, I'm doing important film journalism: would you be open to doing Demolition Man 2 as an army of Simon Phoenixes?— Ali Gray (@The_Shiznit) August 8, 2017