Nine people or things who might just as well be the new Doctor Who

Ed Williamson

18th June 2013

Craig Charles, David Harewood, Dominic Cooper, Miranda Hart: the list of people who "would definitely consider" being the 81st Doctor is endless. On the grounds that it's no less ramshackle an approach to speculating who might get the job than everyone else is taking, I decided to use Wikipedia's "Random Article" button to try and determine who'll get it.

I began by clicking the link continuously until it took me to a person.
Steve Krulevitz

Steve Krulevitz (born May 30, 1951, in Baltimore, Maryland) is a retired American-Israeli right-handed tennis player.
Kenneth D. 'Ken' Cheuvront

Kenneth D. 'Ken' Cheuvront (born 11 May 1961 in Phoenix, Arizona) is a Democratic politician. Since 2002 he has served as Arizona State Senator for District 15, which centres on Phoenix.
Then finally, some star power.

Helen of Troy

In Greek mythology, Helen of Troy, also known as Helen of Sparta, was the daughter of Zeus and either Leda or Nemesis, and was a sister of Castor, Polydeuces, and Clytemnestra. In Greek myths she was considered to be the most beautiful woman in the world. Her abduction by Paris brought about the Trojan War.
Maybe she was big in Troy, but that doesn't necessarily translate into Saturday night family stardom. Next:

Cristián Chaparro

Cristián Chaparro (born October 19, 1975 in San Isidro, Argentina) is a former Argentine footballer who played for clubs in Argentina, Chile, Bolivia, Ecuador, Colombia and Guatemala.
It became clear to me at this point, as it arguably might have as soon as the idea occurred to me, that this was an enormous fool's errand, so I ditched the 'people-only' rule in favour of finishing as soon as possible.
A list of cathedrals in the Philippines

Nice though they undoubtedly all look, they're unlikely to cut the mustard in the more emotional scenes.

Sardanapale (Italian for Sardanapalus) is an unfinished opera by Franz Liszt based loosely on the 1821 verse play Sardanapalus by Lord Byron.

Unfinished? Smacks of 'ego' to me. What if it got difficult and insisted on staying in its trailer until a runner went out to fetch it some croissants?
The Chaloklowa Chickasaw Indian People of South Carolina

I don't know, how would you choose who did which episode? Some sort of rota system?
Historical exchange rates of Argentine currency

Realising I had to finish this in a way that was at least halfway satisfactory, I resolved to keep clicking until I landed on the page of an actor, any actor. This took a stupidly long time. Until at last:
Anne Gwynne

Anne Gwynne. As soon as the page loaded, I realised that Anne Gwynne, despite an arguable handicap in being dead, was the ideal choice for Doctor Who. She was also Chris Pine's grandmother, which means ample possibility for Who/Trek crossover spinoffs.

Expect a 'Gwynne won't rule out Who speculation' headline on MSN TV news within the hour.

More:  Doctor Who  BBC  Top 10
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