Feature

No poster would be complete without an unnecessary helicopter

Ali

27th July 2011

Exposed: the practice of chucking in a helicopter to make a movie poster look more exciting. Because helicopters equals excitement, and excitement equals PROFIT!

So I was perusing this month's movie posters as one does, desperate to identify the latest trend so I can remain on the cusp of blog snark and finger-pointing. As I gazed upon the Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes quad poster, it hit me; a realisation as old as the hills themselves. HELICOPTERS. WE NEED MORE UNNECESSARY HELICOPTERS.


Let's see you evolve your way out of these rotors.


The reasoning is simple. Most movie posters feature lots of sky. The sky is usually pretty empty, except for maybe buildings (snore) and clouds (coming soon). A surefire way to jazz up your action movie? Copy and paste a helicopter up there. Make it two. Doesn't matter if they feature prominently or not. A distant, blurry helicopter on a poster speaks volumes: it says 'this movie had enough money to have a helicopter in it'. Hell, I'd buy a ticket for that movie.

Wouldn't you know it, it turns out unnecessary helicopters pop up all over the place. Once you see them, you can't unsee them. See?

Abduction



Pig-nosed Taylor Lautner won't escape that easily.
Battle Los Angeles



Pretty sure they'll be no use if they're to scale.
Hobo With A Shotgun



Ah, but is it an ironic helicopter?
Monsters



Actual number of actual helicopters in the actual film: 0.
The A-Team



Mr T pities the fool afraid of negative space.
Cars 2



Okay, it's a blimp, but it still counts. WHY.
Unstoppable



We've already discussed why this is the greatest poster ever.
Transformers: Dark Of The Moon



Well, they're the Cybertron equivalent of helicopters.
Crank



At least someone actually falls out of this one.
Restrepo



Even the documentary isn't safe. It blows my mind to think there are people who'll watch war documentaries, and there are people who'll watch war documentaries but only if there's a helicopter on the poster.
Blood Diamond



Because if there's one thing Sierra Leone is buzzing with, it's choppers.
The Crazies



Not entirely sure what's going on here, if I'm honest. HELICOPTERS.
Sucker Punch threesome





Zack Snyder: the standard bearer for unnecessary helicopters.
The Spy Next Door



In Hong Kong, this is known as 'Police Story: Helicopter Evasion Unit'.
The Veteran



Just one? You could probably evade that quite easily. Just hide!
Five Days Of War



Renny Harlin, hang your head in shame.

Bizarrely, the one franchise whose poster you expect to be buzzing with all sorts of military hardware is bereft of whirlybirds. Go figure.


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