Ranking the films of alternate universe Christopher Nolan

Ali Gray

10th November 2014

Listicles! They're terrible. As everyone else concentrates on the important matter of ranking Christopher Nolan's films into an entirely arbitrary order - yes, all nine of them - we thought it would be more suited to the themes of Interstellar if we hopped through a wormhole to rank the films of alternate universe Christopher Nolan.

9. Go-Karting With Christopher Nolan (1976)
This instructional go-karting video was never meant to be seen by the general public, but it received a wide release when Nolan hit the big time. Narratively it's a dead loss - it's literally just a six-minute home video of a young Christopher Nolan go-karting. One for go-karting enthusiasts only.

8. Cheaper By The Dozen III (2001)
To be perfectly honest, I don't think even Christopher Nolan knows why he directed this underwhelming family comedy, although rumours that he incepted the idea into his own brain as a joke refuse to go away.

7. The Sodium Experiment (1999)
This is still the best documentary about salt ever made, but that's not really saying much.

6. Chimps! (2005)
Critics accuse Nolan of being cold, but this animated story about abused circus monkeys forming a support group really warmed the cockles of the heart - and for once, the time travel logic was solid. Still, the racist jokes are hard to overlook.

5. [blank] (2011)
The ultimate cinephile litmus test, [blank] is whatever you want it to be: some think it's a damning indictment of the effect of technology on modern life, others consider it a love letter to the medium of film itself. Either way, it is definitely not just a completely blank film reel that Christopher Nolan accidentally sent out for distribution.

4. Bebeto (2003)
No one thought a shot for shot remake of Memento starring diminutive 90s Brazilian footballer Bebeto would work, but Nolan proved them wrong.

3. Interceptistellartion (2014)
Nolan made this head-scratching action sci-fi while receiving garbled visions from alternate-alternate universe Christopher Nolan in a dream, and even though he couldn't quite pin down the plot mechanics or the over-arching themes of the film, it really did look pretty.

2. Cheaper By The Dozen IV (3001)
They said he was mad to return to the franchise that almost sank his career. They said "Steve Martin is dead, it'll never work as a Weekend At Bernie's style meta-comedy because the children will be terrified of the corpse of their dead father". They were dead wrong. The Academy had to retire the Best Picture Oscar after it exploded in Nolan's victorious hands.

1. Baahp-maan (2008)
The best movie about a superhero with a speech impediment ever made.

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