Ten potential roles for Simon Pegg in Star Wars Episode VII


4th February 2013

Now that J-Jabs is confirmed as director of Star Wars: Episode VII, it seems like a mere formality that at some point his lucky charm from Mission: Impossible III and the Star Treks, Simon Pegg, will be cast in the film. No doubt Jabrams is wondering right now what part Pegg could possibly play. Well, WONDER NO MORE, JABRAMOVITCH!

Boff Grimbble

Corellian engineer hired to restore the Millennium Falcon to its former glory. Occasionally says "AH CANNAE LOCK IN THE AUXILIARY POWER, CAP'N!"

Gay robot who falls in love with C-3P0. His relentless pursuit of the protocol droid results in hilarious misunderstanding after hilarious misunderstanding.
Geeko Drex

Jedi with a thorough knowledge of the events of episodes IV-VI. Wheeled out to provide exposition once per reel.
Jacen and Jaina Solo

Han and Leia's twin children. Pegg plays both characters, who finish each others' sentences and occasionally share clothes and, in an amusing sequence, sexual partners.

Grown-up version of that cute baby ewok from Return Of The Jedi. Except now he's a serial killer.
Darth Garth

Sith lord who smokes too much Kessel spice and gets about on a floating skateboard.
Benn Ji-Dunn

Padawan learner who proves his worth in Episode VII then, unbelievably, is a fully-qualified Jedi Master in Episode VIII despite everyone assuming he was just there for comic relief.

Chewbacca's son. Pegg will play the role as a sulky Wookiee teenager, and in one scene will be caught masturbating to a carpet swatch by his father.
Rotta The Hutt

An idealistic young Hutt who was trying to go clean and stay away from the family business of keeping sexy slaves until Princess Leia killed his father Jabba. Now sworn to revenge but can't get out of the door.
Jar Jar Binks

Actually fuck it, Nick Frost can have that one.

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