Feature
Ten things I learned from the annual Oscar nominee photo
Movie Feature
Ali
8th February 2012
It's my favourite time of year: the day when all 1,084 Oscar nominees gather together for their annual photo, then rush the all you can eat buffet in an attempt to get the best chicken nuggets from the dinner lady. Meryl Streep has become exceedingly efficient at it.
Here are ten things I've discovered from gazing endlessly at this picture. See if you can spot the bonus Jon Favreau lookalike, too.
Notice that notorious bum-chums Brad Pitt and George Clooney are not seated next to each other. There is absolutely no chance that this was their choice. Any good school photographer knows, you don't seat the two biggest pranksters next to each other in the annual photo, unless you want unwanted middle fingers, belming or cocks viewed through open flies. "Hur, hur... MoneyBALLS, right George?" Yeah, to the back row with you, Pitt.
Fuck you, you guys. You think bunny ears are funny? You think pulling a stupid face at the annual Oscar luncheon is endearing? I've got news for you, Brandon Oldenberg and William Joyce, creators of so-called Oscar-nominated short film The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore: Meryl Streep HATES you guys. She told us so. Clooney is SO over you. You're out on your asses. You'll never amount to anything in this town.
Fernando Trueba takes a photo like a BOSS. Director of Oscar-nominated animation Chico & Rita. Checking out Rooney Mara and Berenice Bejo at the same time. You sly old fox, you.
I fail to believe that Nick Nolte, Oscar-nominated for his incredible supporting role in Warrior, is rocking this Arctic face-fuzz for comfort reasons. I'm predicting either a Lifetime Christmas movie is in the works, or he's back on the meth again.
Imagine my surprise when I spotted Faisal, the special agent/camera operator from True Lies, tucked away in the Oscar luncheon photo behind those two assholes playing silly buggers. Imagine my further surprise when I discovered that said True Lies camera operator was Grant Heslov, writer of The Ides Of March and three-time Oscar-nominee. Richard from Congo finally came good! Six years ago!
Obviously Clooney strode into the room as cock of the walk, but he has serious competition from Jean Dujardin, who has mastered the raised eyebrow after months of training from Dwayne Johnson. Unbeknowst to him, director/producer Chris Columbus has been dragged into a 'hottest male' competition and damn near walks away with it with his laid back, 'Harry Potter goes to prep school' style. A three-way draw.
I'm not sure if it's just down to Gore Verbinki and Aaron Sorkin being huge specimens of men, but Michelle Williams looks like being an amazing actress when she finally grows into a human-sized adult.
Either that or she really, really likes blueberry-flavoured ice pops and just couldn't wait until after the photograph.
I already knew Bret McKenzie of Flight Of The Conchords fame had been nominated for an Oscar due to his fine work on The Muppets soundtrack, but sometimes it's just nice to be reminded by seeing him rubbing shoulders with the great and good. And Jonah Hill.
So, the rumours were true: Community's Dean Pelton aka Jim Rash really DID co-write The Descendants. The fact he didn't turn up to this event wearing full-on Carmen Miranda/Rio carnival costume makes us think that TV has been lying to us all this time.
Follow us on Twitter @The_Shiznit for more fun features, film reviews and occasional commentary on what the best type of crisps are.
We are using Patreon to cover our hosting fees. So please consider chucking a few digital pennies our way by clicking on this link. Thanks!
Support Us
Follow Us
Recent Highlights
-
Review: Jackass Forever is a healing balm for our bee-stung ballsack world
Movie Review
-
Review: Black Widow adds shades of grey to the most interesting Avenger
Movie Review
-
Review: Fast & Furious 9 is a bloodless blockbuster Scalextric
Movie Review
-
Review: Wonder Woman 1984 is here to remind you about idiot nonsense cinema
Movie Review
-
Review: Borat Subsequent Moviefilm arrives on time, but is it too little, or too much?
Movie Review
Advertisement
And The Rest
-
Review: The Creator is high-end, low-tech sci-fi with middling ambitions
Movie Review
-
Review: The Devil All The Time explores the root of good ol' American evil
Movie Review
-
Review: I'm Thinking Of Ending Things is Kaufman at his most alienating
Movie Review
-
Review: The Babysitter: Killer Queen is a sequel that's stuck in the past
Movie Review
-
Review: The Peanut Butter Falcon is more than a silly nammm peanut butter
Movie Review
-
Face The Music: The Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey soundtrack is most outstanding
Movie Feature
-
Review: Tenet once again shows that Christopher Nolan is ahead of his time
Movie Review
-
Review: Project Power hits the right beats but offers nothing new
Movie Review
-
Marvel's Cine-CHAT-ic Universe: Captain America: Civil War (2016)
Movie Feature
-
Review: Host is a techno-horror that dials up the scares
Movie Review