The 50 absolute worst nerds to sign the Anti-Affleck Batman petition
Posted by Ali at 08:00 on 26 Aug 2013
By far the most depressing part of being a movie fan on the internet is having to breath the same cyber-air as braying morons who sign online petitions when Hollywood has the audacity to ignore the awesome comic-book franchise they've imagined in their head.
It is not surprising that there are idiots signing 'Ban Ben Affleck from Batman' petitions; what is surprising is that many outlets are reporting this as news. Please, like any credence has ever been given to the vocal minority who bitch and moan about a movie that doesn't even exist yet. Usually, my advice would be to ignore them and hope they get tired of being awful, but in this case, the argument against Ben Affleck was so spectacularly wrong-headed, I couldn't help but do a little rubbernecking.
These are the 50 absolute worst people who signed the anti-Ben Affleck petition on Change.org ("Empowering people everywhere"). Hopefully they've spontaneously combusted in an impotent rage by now.
Nerds that get straight to the point
Angelos Loukatos ATHENS, GREECE
"Because Ben Affleck is a bad actor."
Philp Bauer SPRINFIELD, OH
"Ben Affleck sucks"
Aidan Kerr LASALLE, CANADA
"Because Ben Affleck sucks at everything"
Jessica Olmedo ASUNCIóN, PARAGUAY
"Because he's ben Affleck"
Stephen Leonard BRISTOL, VA
"His Daredevile movie sucked and it was because of his lack of acting!!"
- Did you hear that, Ben Affleck? You're just not acting enough!
Jeff Waufle LAS VEGAS, NV
"Ben Affleck is a pussy."
David Oledo, VALLEJO
"BATMAN IS DA SHIT AN BEN AFFLECK EAT DA SHIT"
Ken Wang IRVINE, CA
"i hate him"
Natalie Victoria NEWCASTLE UPON TYNE, UNITED KINGDOM
"I hate his face."
Ann Ford MANSFIELD, TX
"We need a Batman with a soul!"
joshua ross POTTSTOWN, PA
"I am a huge superman fan and i loath ben affleck"
Jeff Nolan EMERALD HILLS, CA
"going from Christian Bale to Ben Afflect is monumentally stupid."
- Try not to let it afflect your mood, Jeff.
Nerds who might just be taking this a bit too seriously
Damon Smith LAS VEGAS, NV
"My wife divorced me last month, please don't let this happen too!"
Constance Heidel ETTERS, PA
"Unless Affleck's work in front of the camera catches up to his work behind the camera before this movie is made, he's going to destroy the legacy of this character. He had his chance with Marvel when he played Daredevil and he tanked it. I refuse to sit idly and watch him to do the same thing to a character I have embraced and have read about avidly for over 30 years. It is time that these Hollywood corporate members listen to their fan base - the people who pad your pockets - and leave the politics of the film industry behind you. Bob Kane is rolling in his grave right now."
- I refused to sit idly by, so I clicked a button and signed this meaningless online petition, completely solving the problem.
Alan Huck BRANSON, MI
"Today I woke up to a nightmare rather than from one. My favorite character of all time and most other people's favorite as well, DESTROYED by the casting of Ben Affleck as Batman. My hands can barely type those words. WHY, HOW, WHAT did we do to deserve this. What an epic fail on the part of Warner Brothers. It is a sad day for all who love this character. Who would have thought that in the end it wasn't the Joker or two face or even Ra's al Ghul that took down the Batman but a few misguided executives at Warner Brothers. I WILL NOT BE SEEING THIS MOVIE, NOR WILL I PURCHASE THE MERCHANDISE. You have lost a life long fan."
Brian Roz ST. CLAIR SHORES, MI
"The Batman franchise is perhaps the most important fiction in American culture and assuredly, this will kill it. There will never be another Batman movie after this if it goes through. Should've cast Josh Brolan or even some lesser known."
- 'American culture' = things that I have heard of in my 12 years on Earth.
Sean Currie OTTAWA, CANADA
"Because if there is any chance that this travesty of a decision might be reversed, I might regain some hope and faith in humanity"
Jerry Davila CORPUS CHRISTI, TX
"One - his head (skull is too big) as well as his lower jaw. Always freaked me out. Second, he wasn't convincing, didn't seel the product, didn't make me want to see a part 2 as a 2nd rate blind superhero much less BATMAN now. He will single handly ruin BATMAN as a character. He's the next Val Kilmer as BATMAN."
Tom Henry FRANKLINVILLE, NJ
"...because some things are sacred"
- No they aren't.
Ben Handshue SEVILLE, OH
"This is an injustice."
- No it isn't.
Nerds who are harsh but fair
carlos guevara TORONTO, CANADA
"MIGHT AS WELL GET SCHUMACHER TO DIRECT"
S Reid ABERDEEN, UNITED KINGDOM
"We don't want a batman who looks like he's always thinking if he accidentally left the batcave open."
Jason Monday CINCINNATI, OH
"My only goal in life is to restore Michael Keaton to his proper role as batman."
Duwayno Robertson PITTSBURGH, PA
"Ben Afleck sucks as an actor. Batman is the greatest comic book hero because he is just a man with great determination. Ben Afleck is a shit actor with a friend named Matt Damon."
Nerds who are butt-hurt
John Sands EDMOND, OK
"Batman is serious, tragic, dark and commanding. Even Superman does what Batman says. Ben Affleck absolutely cannot come across as believable in such a role. You will bring Batman to a terrible place requiring someone to come behind you and clean up your mess."
Pyran Taylor HATTIESBURG, MS
"Core fans don’t care very much for Affleck because everything about his persona reeks of Shannon who worked at The Fashionable Male in Mallrats. He comes off as arrogant, narcissistic, overly privileged and completely devoid of an ounce of genuine humility. You know, he’s the kind of guy that beat up the comic book geeks and nerds in high school. Yeah, this decision should go over really well with them."
edward saenz CORPUS CHRISTI, TX
"because batman is my hero from childhood and for the rest of my life, and to cast someone like Ben Affleck as batman is like flicking me off."
- Whatever floats your boat, Edward.
Lance Moody FRISCO, TX
"Warner Bros. Entertainment had a good thing going with Man of Steel, and made a Superman fan out of someone who didn't really care for the character... now you've gone and ruined it with casting Ben Affleck as Batman. I will not be seeing this frothy pot of travesty mislabeled as a film, and will be encouraging as many people as can hear my shouts from the rooftops to avoid it as well."
- "A frothy pot of travesty". That's fuckin' poetry, dude.
Marc Norman FLORENCE, OR
"While his portrayal of Daredevil (over a decade ago) was surprisingly decent, he, in no way, has what it takes to don the bat cowl. I'm sure he could pull off a smug, conceited rich boy Bruce Wayne, but when it comes to The Dark Knight, he lacks the brawn, the machismo and the strength to effectively fill the tights. Sorry Mr Assflex. Stick to being an arse with your horsey wife."
Clark Banner BALTIMORE, MD
"What a horrible idea. Affleck has destroyed every movie without a supporting cast that could carry his no talent self, which is all but 2 of his movies. His acting skills combined with his frail college boy face and frame make him the worst Batman they could possibly use aside from Carrot Top (who at least has muscles and a beat up face). Send him to 2 or 3 top notch acting schools, put him in prison with mandatory 4 hours a day of gym time, stick him in 10 or so MMA fights to give his face some character, have Jack Nicholson head but him so that some talent might rub off (and once again his face will have character) and inject him with a growth hormone. THEN I will stand behind him playing Batman and I will even rent it for a buck at Redbox when it goes straight to video like his other movies."
This one sarcastic nerd asshole
Brian Dobbs EDGEWATER, MD
"This is 90s Batman all over again. Instead of casting someone relatively unknown, they're going for a NAME actor. How many of us really could separate George Clooney from Batman? TERRIBLE. RIDICULOUS.
Now I have to watch Affleck's ridiculous face when I'm supposed to be thinking, "Hey, that's Batman."
He's like, "Oh la dee dah look at me! I want to play the LEAD in everything, even the stuff that I DIRECT. Hey guys, I'm a director TOO! Did you know that?
I can do EVERYTHING and I think I'm the best CANDIDATE to play Batman! I am trying desperately to repair my image after the Daredevil / J-Lo FIASCO by trying to make smaller scale, dramatic, more serious films. I really want to gain some real-world perspective back because my life got a little too crazy with all the glitz and glam of Hollywood.
- "I'm desperate to repair my image of Oscar-winning director and need some real-world perspective by playing a superhero!" He's not finished.
But you know what? Maybe I'll just make an exception just this one time! After all, they probably only want me for one film, right?
Heck, I make a pretty good SUPERMAN too! Maybe I can play them both? Maybe Ryan Reynolds can play Robin. That way, we'll both have had 3 SUPERHEROs each to our resume!
Hey Zack Snyder, can I co-direct Man Of Steel 2 with you? Maybe I could even ask Chris Nolan if I can co-produce. Actually you know what? I write too! Maybe David Goyer and I could team-up.
I got it! Let's shoot it in Boston and I can use a Boston accent! You guys know I'm from Boston, right!?""
- Hey Brian? Shut up, dude.
Nerds who don't understand how movies work
Jennifer Leffler ROSENBERG, TX
"Having Ben Affleck as Batman is like asking Clint Eastwood to do a musical. I like Ben and he is good in certain roles, but he is not a Batman. I would rather see Matt Damond -atleast he is believable as someone who can kick butt (Bourne). Better yet, find a new guy. Cavill worked great for Superman because no one had anything to base a negative bias on, why can't you do the same for Batman? Just warning you that if you leave Ben Affleck as Batman, your movie will bomb, but then again that is great news for The Avengers franchise."
Charlie Sayce BRIGHTON, UNITED KINGDOM
"Because as an avid Batman fan I am already disappointed that he is being downplayed in a sequel to a Superman film instead of a new stand alone feature. To have THIS guy take on the role is just the icing on a disgusting cake Warner Bros. is cooking up. I feel that all of Nolan's hard work to make Batman credible in his role as the greatest superhero EVER, is going to be ruined by this movie, and especially with Ben Affleck at the helm. Listen to the fans Warner Bros. WE PAY YOUR CHEQUES!"
Cat Long SHORELINE, WA
"There are 12,736+ petitioners at the time I am writing this, that's 12,700+ people, besides me, who will not spend money to see this movie if Ben Affleck is in it. Just do the math. That's in less than 24 hours. How many millions of dollars is the studio willing to lose to have a "big name star"? Because you will also have to pay him big time money for the role, so you're out double what just the fans will cost you. I am boycotting this movie until Affleck is dumped and someone else is cast."
Kevin Kim SPRINGFIELD, VA
"Hollywood is going to ruin a potentially amazing franchise because of politics behind the scenes and greed"
- With Batman, it's always all about the politics. Thanks, OBAMA.
Paolo Martire WOODBRIDGE, CANADA
"The role of Batman is one that all young boys and men wish they could be. No man or boy would ever wish to be Ben Affleck let alone wish him to Don the mask. It is a senseless and selfish decision to offer Mr. Affleck the role and even more careless and disrespectful for him to accept."
- Whoops! I carelessly signed a multi-million dollar, nine-picture deal! Derp!
Raymond Markovich CAPE CORAL, FL
"I was looking forward to this movie, but now I will wait to see it on HBO"
Nerds who are just plain confused
David Gavidia CARACAS, VENEZUELA, BOLIVARIAN REPUBLIC OF
"Are you kidding? Affleck?? Even Rowan Atkinson is a better Batman!"
Charles Smith BATON ROUGE, LA
"Affleck would suck a batman."
- That's potentially libellous.
Charles Honaker ORANGE PARK, FL
"Maybe Afflek could play the Shark in Jaws, but he cannot do a complicated character."
Jason Bock MADISON, WI
"Because of Alias."
Don Abraham INDIA
"Baman has always been a hero i look upto..thats an image that has to be maintained for millions of kids and adults alike. You should also look at one 'Hrithik Roshan' for the role!!"
Julian Maldonado MONSEY, NY
"it will ruin batman forever (not the movie the actual franchise)"
- Thanks for clarifying.
Eric Dieter MONTGOMERY, IL
"This is nearly as bad a decision as making Jerry Lewis the "Dark Knight". It's ridiculous and stupid."
Franco Delnero SãO PAULO, BRAZIL
"I do not want to see my favorite hero as a sex doll"
Nerds who might actually be Batman
Bruce Wayne GOTHAM, NY
Felipe Barto FRANCA, BRAZIL
"Ben Affleck don't represent me"
bruce wayne BLACKPOOL, UNITED KINGDOM
"complete wrong person you shud be ashamed of choosing such a poor actor for the batman role I think u need to rethink the cast and also your own lives because its all going to shit this will be a shit sequal if u contine to choose ben Affleck such a shame the man of steel was one of the best films of 2013 and now your fucked it right up hope your happy with your decition plz rethink about your movie"
Nerds who desperately need to use full stops
Coby Huse ODESSA, TX
"The new Batman, should fit the part, both Bruce and Batman, You need the Rich Playboy, along with the Strong Intimidating smart martial artist tactician that can done the cowl and the suit, Affleck Was TERRIBLE at Daredevil, he ruins every role he does, if this new Superman/Batman movie is a versus movie, I definitely want Superman to win this once, because Affleck "Has my permission to die" because he will bring Gotham to Ashes, Quoth the Joker "Did your balls drop off" Mr. Snyder?? Why would you dare let such a terrible actor to take part in our most beloved superhero movie"
... And the one nerd who doesn't understand petitions
Keep Ben Affleck SWAG NATION, AL
"Please keep Ben Affleck. He is a great actor and he can do Batman great justice. Remember fans complaining about Heath Ledger being Joker? The internet is absolutely idiotic sometimes."