The Apprentice: season 10, episode 3 recap: "Stinking up the Place"

It's 4am. The phone rings at The Apprentice house and it's Lord Sugar himself. He's not calling about this week's task; he just fancies a chat because he's been up all night worrying that Nick's written something horrible about him in his Book of Secrets. After reassuring a tearful Alan that it's probably all in his mind, the candidates are assembled at the Royal Exchange, but no one can quite look him in the eye.

The task

The teams have to make some nice candles and those twig things that sit in water and don't really smell of anything. Lord Sugar makes it abundantly clear the task is about high-end products with big profit margins, so we can safely expect no one will take the slightest bit of notice.

Katie puts herself forward to be PM because she's obsessed with the smell of her house and guys, guys – she's even bought a scented candle before. For Team Summit, on the other hand, Roisin just knows about facts, figures, margins, profits, and thus her house must smell of ruthless efficiency.

Sarah is determined to be heard during the team brainstorm, so just starts blurting out random names for their product such as "Lemonise", "Yellow Submarine", and "Why are none of you listening to me? You're just mean girls. You're just jealous of my lovely yellow hair."

Despite having no experience in candle manufacture, the two teams start to make their products and there's no mention at all of fire safety regulations. Karren effectively hands Nurun and Lindsay the black spot by earmarking them as the weak links and so the clock starts ticking.

The final products arrive the next morning. The deckchair packaging for Summit's Beach Dreams is actually quite nice; Tenacity's yellow candles are not. Everyone takes a sniff and scowl at each other, despite Katie whimpering that she would definitely buy one. You can't help but think Katie would buy a mouldy orange sprayed with Febreeze it if it had a Jo Malone sticker on it.

For all her crowing about profit margins, Roisin's team clearly don't give a fuck, and are flogging Beach Dreams for 50p ("RRP £40"). She makes a terrible mistake by believing Dapper Laughs James when he claims they'll sell more on the street so she cancels a sale MIDWAY through her pitch to a boutique shop. Karren is visibly disgusted, looking as though she's taken a sniff of one of Katie's piss-yellow candles.

The boardroom

There's a lot of talk about margins and the like; not knowing anything about business I can only surmise that the best way to win would be to sell the candles for ONE MILLION POUNDS each.

Katie and the piss candles win by the thinnest margins, only £14; their prize is Curry Night at the nearest Wetherspoons (drinks not included).

At the sad café, the losing team are made to drink the melted wax of their Beach Dream candles for daring to turn up to a sale without their smelly sticks. Dapper Laughs admits he ignored the pricing strategy, but gives a cheeky wink and declares, "It's all just bants, innit?"
Who got fired?

Under scrutiny, Lindsay folds quicker than Superman on laundry day: "I'm shit, so I'm leaving and going to do what I do best: swimming." So on Monday I'm going to tell my boss that I'm also leaving to do what I do best: going really high on the swings in the playground.

Roisin has definitely been brushing up on her Apprentice vocab, talking about drive, and ambition, and energy, and drive, and energy, and ambition, etc etc. Due to heavy-handed editing, it's obvious Nurun is about to get the finger and she's sent to the taxi cab of broken dreams.

Dapper Laughs regrets continually comparing himself to Lord Sugar: "I'm like you, but younger, yeah? With better bants." Cue another early morning call from Alan asking whether he can pull off the no-socks look.