The Apprentice: season 11, episode 4 recap: "I'll Make You an Off-fur You Can't Refuse"

This week, we're all about show-jumping bunnies and chickens in high-vis jackets. Thank God The Apprentice is finally taking itself seriously.

The task

Somehow, Lord Sugar makes the link between a statue of a cat outside Dr Johnson's house to the lucrative pet market. Dr Johnson, for those who haven't Googled him yet as I have, was best known for his Dictionary of the English Language, where next to "tenuous" you will see a picture of Lord Sugar. And we're back to mixing the teams up again, as if that makes any difference at all.

Scott makes a case to be Project Manger of Connexus, because he has a little dog, which as well all know trumps any kind of business skill or acumen. 12-year-old David becomes PM of Team Versatile, because he once walked his neighbour's dog for 50p an hour, but had to give it up because he was ignoring his homework.

The teams divide to listen to pitches for products they can sell at The London Pet Show. This leads to something you don't see every day: a chicken in a high-vis jacket. Vana actually asks if it's to protect them from crossing the road. Well, duh Vana! Oh, apparently it's not for that. Then what the hell is it for?

Next up are T-shirts with giant guineapigs' faces on them, which will now haunt my nightmares, and Selina actually mentions price points, finally! That's square A1 on your Apprentice bullshit bingo cards you can scratch off.

But then what's this – animal balloons that look like they're walking? Give me a pug balloon RIGHT NOW. Take my money, all of it. I have never wanted anything more and spend the rest of the episode hoping to see one mournfully floating around.

Over at The Pet Show, the other half of Connects Us are looking at the high-end products they can sell. Selina is keen to see the rabbit jumping, as am I. Look at 'em go! (Note to self: pitch "Rabbit Show-jumping" if ever find self in meeting with BBC executive). She and female Doctor Who Ruth want to sell the really tall rabbit hutches, but Scott defers to Gary, who wants to sell the really tall cat towers instead. Amateurs: the rabbit sector is really blowing up right now. Versatile have opted to sell posh dog sofas, which look 100% better than the sofa I'm sitting on right now.

Despite getting bonus points for being the first person to mention "price points", Selina isn't so good when it comes to pricing up those cat towers, having to defer to Scott, but still claims to everyone around, "It was my sale, you all saw it!" Ruth is having an equally hard time; her tactic of prowling around like the Child Catcher and bombarding passers-by with details of her marriage isn't working, and she's not closing any sales.

Across the other side, Richard is begging people to buy the dog sofas, wrestling one poor woman to the floor after she buys one. Are things on the up? No. He's only sold two the whole time they've been there. Ruh-oh.

The boardroom

Team Lord Rataxes are sent to the dog house, as Versatile edge ahead with a cool 1k over them, due to the popularity of the balloons and the nightmare T-shirts. Their prize is to go running around a school's 800m track with Mo Farrah. Actually running. That is not a treat, Lord Sugar.
Who got fired?

Scott brings back Selina and Ruth for failing to sell enough cat skyscrapers. Claude tells off Selina with the weariness of a Year 9 geography teacher for not being enthusiastic enough, whereas Ruth was too enthusiastic. Scott dithered throughout the whole task, but emerges unscathed as Ruth and her jaunty outfits are ejected from the boardroom of doom.
Does she thank him?

Ruth's clearly not happy, but she does thank him. In the cab, it's clear she's actually quite nice and now I feel bad for calling her the Saw puppet/Child Catcher. I think the only thing that will cheer me up is a pug balloon, if anyone would be so inclined? Anyone?