The Apprentice: season 11, episode 7 recap: "The Discount Bin of Dreams"

Stack 'em high, flog 'em cheap, leave a better-looking corpse. We're over halfway point, so we'll start to see the ads for the 2016 arena tour of rejected candidates soon.

The task

This week, I shall be casting an eye over the Apprentices' sartorial choices. It's 4.30pm on a day off for the candidates, and Brett is still wearing his pyjamas – I've long thought there's a gap in the market for business casual sleepwear. Joseph is wearing an interesting ensemble to play poker in: aviator shades, and a sports jacket over a fleece jumper, really nailing that 90s-pornstar-meets-60s-gangster look he's been trying to cultivate.

Fresh off his private jet, Air Farce One, Lord Sugar arrives unexpectedly at the house to drop the news of today's task: they must decamp to Manchester to open two separate discount stores, selling unbranded products. Gary is keen to be Project Manager, claiming his nickname is "The Postman", because he always delivers. And because he always empties his sack.

Scott is PM of The Other Team, and immediately plumps for discount electrical goods, even though the rest of the team were quite clear that they wouldn't buy power-breakers and extension leads from a pound shop, because when you plug them in they always smell like burning hair.

At the wholesaler's, Sam's figures don't add up, causing Karren to do her stink-face again. Gary wants his team to ask for double the quantity of products for the same price, and the vein starts to throb in Claude's forehead, and I worry whether he'll make it until the end of the series.

Pre-sales, which means flogging their tat from pasting tables in Manchester town centre, are a mixed bag for both teams. Charleine gleefully admits she only likes selling the smelly sticks and shitty candles they've picked up to piss off Richard: get a room, guys!

Brett, having been made sub-team leader of all of one person, puts misleading prices on the selfie sticks and irons Scott has selected, and it's soooooo obvious Karren is gong to snitch on them to Lord Sugar straight away, until off-screen a producer points out it's actually an illegal practice and they have to replace the day-glo stars on their table.

The next day, Discount Haven and Manchester's Discount Store are unleashed on the Arndale Centre, both within spitting distance of Poundland. Claude's vein is now visible from space, as he criticizes the team for not piling their shit high enough, which considering they're flogging bog roll for £3 just will not do. Gary takes his team through the science of shopping, gesturing to the table of toilets rolls, "This is our toilet world". And we all have to live in it.

Upstairs, Brett is claiming to have been made Scott's sacrificial lamb ahead of the boardroom by not being allowed to sell in their shop. Vana tries to make the best of a bad situation by wandering the shopping centre by approaching shoppers and pointing at her chest with "Discount Haven" splashed across it. I expect to see these T-Shirts in Top Shop any day now, next to the other vaguely sexist slogans they sell.

To drum up interest in Manchester's Discount Store, Richard aka Dickhead DavidBrent, is pretending to ice skate across the tiles, wearing Chelsea boy pale blue jeans. Joseph goes for a softly-softly approach, sliding up to unsuspecting passers-by, whispering, "Can I show you something?" To show that he still means business, Joseph has insisted on wearing his bargain T-shirt over his dress shirt and under his braces. Sharp. Meanwhile, Gary has given up, and is just lying on the floor, as shoppers step over him to buy a bag of Maltesers and a can of Relentless for £3.

The team in Discount Haven are starting to feel the pressure: Sam is arguing with the till over the works of Tolstoy, and Selina has taken to loudly pointing out to Karren everything she thinks is going wrong, but keeps quiet when Scott and Brett go toe to toe, with Brett looking like he wants to go and punch a bus top in frustration.

The boardroom

Lord Sugar, lest we forget, started his multi-million business flogging car radios and aerials daahhhn the maaarrrket, but this task wasn't about individual sales but the value of the business at the end of the day, which appears to be news to both teams, when it was apparent everyone was trying to cover their arses before they'd even got off the M6.

Scott's team start to moan about Selina's moaning, and Sam claims his contribution was just to bring positive vibes to the shop, like a bargain-basement Bez. Brett tells Lord Sugar he was just trying to "self-preservate", which really should be a real word the more you think about it.

Ultimately, Gary's last-minute dash to the wholesaler's paid off, and because they had more stock left at the end of the day get to go up the Shard for a glass of warm cava.
Who got fired?

Despite everyone hating on Selina's hating, Scott brings back Brett and Sam into the boardroom. Scott claims Brett said he was going to smash his face in, which he totally didn't, but he looks the type though, doesn't he?

Karren gets her guns out for Sam, and she can practically taste his blood from across the table when she forces him to admit he's never actually run a business before. Before he can explain what his business plan is, Lord Sugar sends him packing.
Does he thank him?

Yes, with a rather moist eye, before he sobs uncontrollably into his cashmere scarf in the taxi home. As Brett astutely points out, it's a "doggy-dog world".

Next week, Claude and Alan send the dolts to Gregg's to buy "four skin rolls". Snigger.