Top 10 Lamest Movie Villains Of All Time: Pt.2

<<< Lame villains numbers 10-6!

See five of the most sorry-looking villains the silver screen has ever seen, just click above!

5. RAY PARK as TOAD in X-MEN
Flick through the pages of any Marvel comic book and you'll likely stumble on any number of great villains, all with incredible powers, sinister motives, evil costumes and outlandish names. It's quite baffling, then, why Bryan Singer thought plain old Toad was a suitable candidate for an appearance in the X-Men movie. His special powers? Being a toad. These mind-boggling attributes include being able to jump really high and flicking out his tongue - all well and good, but not very useful when you're fighting superheroes with lightning at their fingertips, claws sprouting from their hands and lasers shooting from their eyes. Toad met a grisly end at the hands of Storm, although he might have also been found shrivelled, dead and stuck to the back of the Brotherhood dustbin.

Ultimate act of lameness: Being a fucking toad. I mean... honestly.

4. HELMUT BAKAITIS as THE ARCHITECT in THE MATRIX RELOADED
The original Matrix movie was one of the best sci-fi action flicks ever, thanks to sneering bastard Agent Smith. The sequel couldn't hope to emulate the success of the original; while Smith's virus programme ran riot, Neo faced up to the ultimate enemy - an old, beardy man who reads the dictionary for fun. Keanu wasn't the only one who got bored listening to the Architect's cod-philosophy: how many of you thought Reloaded would have been improved if Neo stopped listening to his pseudo-intellectual bullshit and simply kicked seven shades of shit out of his geriatric ass in bullet-time? Important note to any wannabe villains: if you're going to 'monologue' to the hero of the piece, make sure you speak in a language they can understand. And with Keanu Reeves, that doesn't leave a whole lot.

Ultimate act of lameness: All those televisions, and not one of them showing XXX cable.

3. JONATHAN PRYCE as ELLIOT CARVER in TOMORROW NEVER DIES
Being part of the Bond Villain Club isn't all it's cracked up to be; you're always trying to out-do the last guy - when 007's former enemies tried to cut him in two with a laser or blow up the sun, repeatedly kicking him in the nuts won't do at all. Poor old Elliot Carver suffers in comparison to the all-time greats; a weedy, silver-haired, bespectacled geek who dreams of controlling the world through his news corporation, he actually suffers the indignity of being less villainous than several real-life media barons. Carver spends his nights concocting devious plans to play the worlds' armies off each other, presumably in between bouts of World of Warcraft and updating his MySpace page ('You have 0 Friends'). Bond might as well have defeated this nerd with a killer wedgie.

Ultimate act of lameness: No villain should ever know how to use Quark Xpress.

2. ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER as MR. FREEZE in BATMAN & ROBIN
Singling out the worst bit of Batman & Robin is kind of like searching for a shitty needle in a turdstack, but the Austrian Oak certainly makes the case for the worst character of the series so far. At the time, the Batman universe still boasted tonnes of unused cool bad guys - The Scarecrow, Ra's Al Ghul and Harley Quinn to name but a few - so it's a mystery why Mr. Freeze was defrosted for duty. More likely to kill you with his god-awful puns than any real villainy ("Ice to see you!"), Freeze also loses valuable evil points by trying to save his sick wife; no villain worth his salt would ever walk down the aisle. Unbeknown to Batman at the time, Freeze could have been defeated with a medium-strength hair dryer - hardly credentials that would make Gotham's finest cower in fear.

Ultimate act of lameness: "You're not sending ME to the cooler!" Very funny, a good joke well told.

1. SAURON in THE LORD OF THE RINGS
Such an epic story deserves an epic villain, but instead of an all-powerful, shit-kicking overlord, the citizens of Middle-Earth lived in fear of what basically amounted to a pissed off lighthouse. With his earthly form chopped down to size after a nasty cut on the fingers, Sauron is reduced to appearing as a giant, sore-looking eyeball at the top of a tower, which kinda makes it hard to be truly evil, aside from a few disapproving glares here and there. Ooh, we're so scared Mr. Sauron - what are you going to do, look at us funny? Poor Sauron might have the coolest armies at his disposal, but it's a shame he wasn't blessed with any common sense: putting at least a couple of guards outside the entrance to Mount Doom might have saved him a whole lot of silly bother. Any self-respecting villain would have spotted that: maybe he should have gone to Specsavers.

Ultimate act of lameness: Brought crashing down by North and Mikey from The Goonies.
Ali