We're running out of Batman titles

Ali Gray

21st June 2014

Hey you! Yeah, you! What are you doing in 2019? Well, cancel all your plans, because there's a new Batman movie coming out. What's it called, you ask? Um, it's called The Batman. That's The Batman, not like all those other Batmen. Never mind helium and coal: are we as a species running out of potential titles for Batman movies? I investigate.

As it stands, we've had eight live-action Batman movies to date, with the ninth - Batman v Superman: Dawn Of Justice - due in 2016. Now, according to rumours which are so dull they might as well be truths, Ben Affleck's Batman will get his own standalone movie in 2019. Thankfully, by the time The Batman hits cinemas in five years, we'll all be living on the Moon. Christ knows how many fucking kids I'll have by then. I'll probably be dead.

Let's focus on the meat of the matter: that title. The Batman. There's a very good chance that title will change, but even if it does, what are they going to change it to? All the good Batman titles have already been taken. Batman: The Movie? To the point. Batman? Even more to the point. Batman Returns? Nailed it. Batman Forever? Okay. Batman & Robin? Technically correct. These are all acceptable titles.

Problems began in 2005 in the Nolan era. Batman Begins is a great film with a terrible title. The Dark Knight is a brilliant film with the title that Batman Begins should have had. The Dark Knight Rises is probably not as good as I first thought it was but the title is definitely uninspiring.

Now we're looking at another era, it's time to face facts: sooner or later, Warners are going to have to call one of their Batman movies 'The Caped Crusader' and I think we'll all die a little when that happens. Before it comes to that, I've rustled up some suggestions for potential Batman titles, using different prepositions, exclamations and other fancy words. If you're reading this, Hollywood, you're welcome to crib.

A Batman
It's Batman
I'm Batman
Hey Batman!
Yo, Batman
Get A Load Of Batman Over Here
Now That's What I Call Batman

I tried to make that block of text look a bit like a bat but it looks like an owl on a perch. But I'm happy with that. What were we talking about?

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