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  • First Man

    Movie Review | Ali Gray | 28th September 2018

    I am from a generation who never had a Moon landing, and it’s probably just as well. I suspect 9/11 is to be our defining shared collective experience, one that united us in terror instead of awe, huddled as we were around TVs and computer screens to watch the world change forever, just not for the better. My generation would be unable to process a positive event of such magnitude without cynicism: if the Moon landing happened in 2018, the memes would be played out by breakfast, the conspiracy theories would be in effect by lunch and the astronaut who stepped off the spacecraft would be Milkshake Ducked by dinner (reminder: we couldn’t even enjoy the fact that scientists landed a probe on a fucking COMET because one of the engineers was wearing a sexist shirt). We deify Elon Musk, we don’t deserve a Moon landing. Watching First Man is probably as close as my generation is ever going to get to watching the human race extend its reach beyond the stars: it is a refreshingly old-fashioned, unashamedly straightforward account of mankind’s headiest achievement, and even speaking for a generation who are generally numb to this brand of back-patting throwback bio, I found its bald-faced nostalgia quite moving.

  • The solid gold twats of The Apprentice 2018, in their own words

    TV Feature | Becky Suter | 26th September 2018

    It's not business, it's war - or, more specifically, it's a bunch of bum-licking bellends in suits making bad analogies. Lord Alan Sugar is back to bark at more briefcase wankers, and I'm back to pass judgement because I've got nothing else better to do. Let's meet the contestants of the 2018 series of The Apprentice and hear from them in their own words!

  • A Simple Favour

    Movie Review | Matt Looker | 22nd September 2018

    Imagine being Paul Feig. You’re a talented director with a charming comedy disposition who consistently dresses like a flamboyant uncle at a wedding. Then you dare to reboot a beloved 80s franchise and cast it with actors who have one more X chromosome than the original actors. Suddenly the Horrible Part Of The Internet hates you. It doesn’t care that you made Bridesmaids, because suddenly it hates that too now, just because. Trolls make your life hell for a couple of years. They no longer find it endearing that you dress like a recently widowed old man celebrating his anniversary one last time before taking his own life to join his beloved. Instead they send you death threats because you reimagined their favourite pretend ghost hunters from 30 years ago as women. What do you do now?

  • Predict the finale and play along with Bodyguard Bingo!

    TV Feature | Ali Gray | 19th September 2018

    The BBC's new thriller Bodyguard has been one of the most popular new British television series in over a decade, thanks to the slick writing of creator Jed Mercurio and the slinky appeal of Keeley Hawes' foxy Home Sexretary (Secretary). Between episodes, fans have been ravenous for new information, sharing plot spoilers and conspiracy theories online in an attempt fill the gaping hole left in their lives. Friends, fans and Richard Madden stans: let me fill your holes.

  • The House With A Clock In Its Walls

    Movie Review | Ali Gray | 18th September 2018

    Ugh. September. The worst month by some distance. Nothing good has ever happened in September. I checked history, which verified and confirmed: September is a dud. All the blockbusters are a distant memory, the big Christmas movies are too far away (see also: Christmas) and even the tiresome slog that is Oscar season has yet to get underway. That just leaves shitty geriaction movies where Denzel Washington kills people, horror movies that are too crap to save for Halloween and oddball movies that genuinely don't fit in anywhere else in the calendar. Mercifully, that last sub-genre occasionally yields surprising results, which is where The House With A Clock In Its Walls chimes in: it's not quite enough to salvage the September cesspool, but it is a fun kids' fantasy that does just about enough to distract you from the backslide into the arse end of the year.

  • 20 exciting and totally achievable ways the DC Universe can rebuild

    Movie Feature | Ali Gray | 17th September 2018

    The DC universe is broken. Henry Cavill is done with Superman. Ben Affleck is too goth even for Batman and reportedly wants an escape route. Wonder Woman accidentally became the most successful one and now all the men at the studio have no idea what to do with her. And Aquaman... exists. Forget whatever humanitarian crises the Fake News Media are pushing on you this week: we need to focus our efforts on figuring out how to fix these adult manbaby movie franchises, and STAT. These 20 ideas to fix the DCCU by yours truly are a start, but frankly, I'm not hearing anything coming from your end. Is this thing even on?

  • Analysing THE SHEER INSANITY of a day in the life of Mark Wahlberg

    Movie Feature | Ali Gray | 13th September 2018

    Mark Wahlberg is most unlike you or I. For starters, he's a rich and famous celebrity, who is so rich and famous and blessed with over-confidence he can get away with inventing hypothetical scenarios whereby he averts the terrorist attacks of 9/11 and face almost no backlash. His career trajectory is uniquely insane, running the full gamut from teenage thug to white rapper to underpants model to Hollywood actor to hamburger magnate. And despite his obvious handicap of looking permanently like he's not sure what floor his lift just stopped at, Wahlberg is inexplicably popular, not just with people who go and see movies with titles like 'Max Payne' and '2 Guns', but with actual, credible filmmakers like Paul Thomas Anderson, Martin Scorsese and James Gray. He's one of a select circle of actors - including Adam Sandler and Nicolas Cage - who can lurch from atrocious dreck to proper cinematic fare without even changing his facial expression.

  • A comprehensive timeline of Wesley Snipes trying to make Blade 4 happen

    Movie Feature | Matt Looker | 5th September 2018

    In 2012, the rights to Blade reverted back to Marvel, meaning that MCU head honcho Kevin Feige is able to finally achieve his original goal behind creating his cinematic universe in the first place: to greenlight and release Blade 4, starring a 56-year-old Wesley Snipes.

  • Marvel's Cine-CHAT-ic Universe: Thor (2011)

    Movie Feature | Matt Looker, Ali Gray, Becky Suter, Ed Williamson | 3rd September 2018

    Marvel's Cine-CHAT-ic Universe is back! After last covering Iron Man 2 back in... holy shit, November? It's been nearly a year? Ok, it's about time we brought this back to continue our efforts in discussing each of the MCU films in turn, now finishing before our NEW deadline of Avengers 4. That should be fine. Just fine. Quick, let's talk Thor!

  • So we've all just accepted that his actual name is 'Jed Mercurio', have we?

    TV Feature | Ali Gray | 31st August 2018

    I'm sure that you, like me, have been enjoying new BBC drama Bodyguard, starring a shooty-shooty man and a woman and some terrorists. Congratulations on your correct decision, because it is totally brilliant. I can't help but notice, however, that we are all apparently totally on-board with the creator's name: Jed Mercurio. That's right, is it? Jed Mercurio. First name Jed, last name Mercurio. Right. We're all fine with that. Just checking.