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10 things John Travolta looks like on his new poster

Posted by Ali Gray at 00:00 on 10 May 2016
10 things John Travolta looks like on his new poster
Sometimes movie posters just ask for it.

Review: Captain America: Civil War

Posted by Ali Gray at 14:00 on 05 May 2016
Captain America: Civil War
"So what is Vision?" I'm at the pub, still digesting Captain America: Civil War, and I've been caught off guard. "Well, he's... um...he's a, er... so Thor had this sort of bath, then Ultron, erm... You know the Mind Gem, th-..." Christ, I'm racking my brains and his first movie only came out a year ago. Marvel movies move pretty fast; if you don't re-watch regularly, or God forbid miss a movie, your pub trivia game will suffer. (My best guess: Vision is a space ghost fruit roll-up robot butler dressed by George at Asda). Civil War is the 13th movie in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and if you haven't been paying attention over the last eight years, you're going to find it really, really hard to keep up. The MCU doesn't slow down, doesn't pull its punches and doesn't really do 'Previously, on the Marvel Cinematic Universe..." It has unapologetically and unreservedly been constructed from the ground up for fans - and those fans are going to go bend-over-backwards apeshit crazy for Civil War, arguably the movie that the previous 12 have all been working towards.

No Hanksy-panky: the curiously sexless Tom Hanks

Posted by Ed Williamson at 14:30 on 04 May 2016
No Hanksy-panky: the curiously sexless Tom Hanks
In Tom Hanks's new film, A Hologram for the King, he has sex with a woman. Get in, my son! It's an actual sex scene with boobs and everything. As the United Kingdom's foremost Hanksologist, it occurred to me that I hadn't seen this before. (A proper Hanks sex scene, I mean: I've definitely seen boobs. No, you don't know her; it was when I was on holiday.) So why is this?

Man who saw Civil War to share definitive MCU rankings

Posted by Matt Looker at 07:00 on 03 May 2016
Man who saw Civil War to share definitive MCU rankings
"Just seen Captain America: Civil War. Need to revise my MCU rankings!!" a man promised his legions of Facebook friends this weekend and now the Internet has halted to a standstill awaiting what will surely be the definitive list of Marvel Cinematic Universe films, ordered by quality.

Review: Bastille Day

Posted by Matt Looker at 20:00 on 20 Apr 2016
Bastille Day
Will Idris Elba be Bond? Can he out-Bond Bond? Can Idris Elbond Bond the Bond Bond? Everyone's obsession with Idris becoming the next 007 (give it up - he's not too black, he's too old) has led to this film being treated like it’s his audition for the role just because he waves a gun around and runs about for a bit. And if it were that easy, they would have cast Elmer Fudd years ago. No, we need to treat this film on its own terms: as a slightly-better-than-generic action thriller with hilariously out-of-touch opinions about how social media works.

The new Now You See Me 2 poster is bullshit and here's why

Posted by Matt Looker at 07:00 on 20 Apr 2016
The new Now You See Me 2 poster is bullshit and here's why
Now You See Me 2 is the pub magic trick of movie sequels. No one asked to see your mate Steve attempt to pass a £10 note through the middle of a coin, and no one really cares either way, but there's something oddly fascinating about his insistence that it's going to blow your mind. And yet it always, inevitably, disappoints. Hey, let's talk about this film poster.

Alternate poster design for ensemble rom-com Bastille Day

Posted by Matt Looker at 07:00 on 19 Apr 2016
Alternate poster design for ensemble rom-com Bastille Day
OFFICIAL SYNOPSIS: Another calendar date anthology film from director Garry Marshall sees the lives of four lovable singletons intersect as they search for love on the celebratory streets of Paris, against the backdrop of terrorist attacks and civil unrest. Tonight there's going to be fireworks!

PLACEHOLDER: 5-star Civil War review [pending Marvel payment] ***DO NOT PUBLISH***

Posted by Ali Gray at 10:00 on 18 Apr 2016
PLACEHOLDER: 5-star Civil War review [pending Marvel payment] ***DO NOT PUBLISH***
Hi guys, just to let you know, the marketing arm of Marvel have been in contact with me as they have with all of the UK press to offer The Shiznit payment for giving Captain America: Civil War a positive review. I'm sure you remember that they already paid us the first £5,000 for giving Batman V Superman a negative review, but they've confirmed that the rest of the bribe will be delivered upon publication of our Civil War review, which I'm seeing tomorrow. Not that it matters.

You made Avatar a success, now quit complaining about the sequels

Posted by Ali Gray at 15:30 on 15 Apr 2016
You made Avatar a success, now quit complaining about the sequels
Is there a word used on social media and comment threads more cringeworthy than "Avatards"? Not only is it not remotely funny, it's usually accompanied by a lazy, sneering dismissal of James Cameron's Avatar sequels, or more specifically, the rapidly increasing volume of them. I admit, I am fascinated by the highs and lows of the Avatar franchise, the record-breaking box office haul and the subsequent disappearing act from the nation's consciousness (this article from Forbes, on Avatar's lack of "pop-culture footprint", is sadly accurate). But have we really become so jaded and so short-sighted that we're dismissing out of hand sequels to the most popular movie of all time; a movie that, just seven years ago, we ALL paid money hand over fist to go and see? You and I are both complicit: we all were Avatards and we will be again (and again, and again, and finally once more in 2023).

Review: The Jungle Book

Posted by Matt Looker at 13:30 on 15 Apr 2016
The Jungle Book
Will they... will they be singing? The 1967 classic animation is so embedded in the public consciousness that it's difficult to know what to expect from this live-action retelling. What will the life-like animals look like when they talk? Will Mowgli look just like cartoon Mowgli? Will Baloo at any point wear coconut shells and a hula skirt? And what of the songs? Those legendary earworms so infectious that it's going to be hard not to resort to punning references throughout this entire review? Thankfully, Jon Favreau delivers a film that is just as wonderful and captivating as that original classic, and he does so by concentrating on the bare n-... the basics. He concentrates on the basics.
Out this week
+The Conjuring 2: The Enfield Case (15)
Read our review
+Gods Of Egypt (12A)
+Barbershop 3: A Fresh Cut (12A)
+Tale Of Tales (15)