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Here are some notes on Assassin's Creed from a plane, the only acceptable place to watch it

Posted by Ali Gray at 23:00 on 13 Jul 2017
Here are some notes on Assassin's Creed from a plane, the only acceptable place to watch it
Hello there. I am on a plane as you read this. At the time of writing, I am somewhere over Winnipeg. I'm talking to you via the wonder of £25.99 WiFi. I've been very lucky to be invited to cover the Disney D23 Expo in California over the weekend, and although I wouldn't dream of humblebragging my way through this post, it does promise to be very exciting, and I think you'll all agree that, yeah Ali, relax, you deserve this guy, great job. Anyway, before that, I have an 11-hour flight to sit through. Eleven! That's like… four movies! I'm not going to watch four movies. But I did just sit through Assassin's Creed.

Our new not unlistenable podcast: War For The Planet Of The Apes

Posted by Matt Looker at 07:00 on 12 Jul 2017
Our new not unlistenable podcast: War For The Planet Of The Apes
Yes, we did another podcast. No wait, come back! This one is only 20 minutes and it might be good! Well... it is only 20 minutes.

More Sony franchises that need Iron Man to rescue them

Posted by Ali Gray at 07:30 on 11 Jul 2017
More Sony franchises that need Iron Man to rescue them
Critics can't fawn over Spider-Man: Homecoming enough: hooray for a competent Spider-Man movie! There's no doubt that Marvel have to take some of the credit for Homecoming's success - Kevin Feige was parachuted into Sony HQ to save the franchise, and he did so by basically letting them have a go on Iron Man for a bit. Is it really that simple? Does adding Iron Man always improve a franchise? Sony aren't waiting around to find out: they've already green-lit the following new sequels to their existing franchises. Now to contact Robert Downey Jr and assume he's available!

Review: Cars 3

Posted by Matt Looker at 07:00 on 10 Jul 2017
Cars 3
As someone who has barely seen the first Cars, and who actively and selfishly steers his son away from knowing that a sequel even exists simply because I’ve heard it’s not very good, I am clearly not the best person on the Shiznit staff to review this film. No, that honour goes to Ali, who, for the past two years, has an unfinished article sitting in the site admin area entitled "What I've learned from Cars 2 after watching it 200 times". Yet, here I am, ready to impart my own unique viewpoint on the latest instalment of Pixar’s most-derided franchise. You ready? Here goes: It’s… alright?

Review: It Comes At Night

Posted by Becky Suter at 15:00 on 07 Jul 2017
It Comes At Night
The real monsters are inside us, you know. For example, there’s a demon that lives inside of me that comes out after approximately 3 glasses of Chilean chardonnay. Aside from my semi-serious drinking problem, It Comes At Night teaches us that any external creepy threats are nothing compared to the horrors at home. Yeah, think on that.

Review: War For The Planet Of The Apes

Posted by Ali Gray at 10:00 on 07 Jul 2017
War For The Planet Of The Apes
The Apes franchise has followed a pretty predictable release pattern thus far: they arrive with nary a fanfare smack bang in the middle of summer blockbuster season and subsequently smash the low expectations they set. Rise and Dawn were both sleeper hits, but War For The Planet Of The Apes brings with it a little too much baggage. Hung heavy with the weight of expectation, it is a largely bleak and downbeat affair: if this is to be the climactic part of the Apes saga, it feels like a graceful and dignified exit, but you can't help but think it could have gone out with more of a bang.

An oral history of superhero actors complaining about going to the toilet

Posted by Ali Gray at 07:00 on 06 Jul 2017
An oral history of superhero actors complaining about going to the toilet
There's a strange, unspoken relationship between a journalist and a film star that absolutely nothing personal must be discussed during an interview. Except, that is, when that film star is playing a superhero, in which case it's absolutely on message to ask them exactly how they pissed and/or shat while wearing their super-suit. The weirdest thing is just how willing the actors are to share.

7 ways to create a Bond cinematic universe

Posted by Matt Looker, Ed Williamson, Ali Gray at 14:00 on 05 Jul 2017
7 ways to create a Bond cinematic universe
The movie world was rocked recently when a man literally tweeted the shit out of an unsubstantiated rumour that Bond producers want to establish a James Bond Cinematic Universe just like Marvel, DC and all those other hugely successful cinematic universes, such as... Transformers? The Mummy? Wait, I know this one. Don't tell me...

Review: The Circle

Posted by Ed Williamson at 08:00 on 04 Jul 2017
The Circle
The tech-firm thriller seems to have supplanted the gangster movie as the modern-day American Dream story. Exploit free markets with entrepreneurial spirit, cut a few corners, hubris, rise and fall, regret, redemption. By now I thought we were past the point of techno-cautionary tales which ask whether the internet is a good or a bad thing, largely because the @dog_rates Twitter account has proved beyond all doubt that it is the former, and yet here we are.

Review: Despicable Me 3

Posted by Ali Gray at 07:00 on 03 Jul 2017
Despicable Me 3
Let's just re-establish The Boss Baby Clause from earlier this year: Despicable Me 3 is a kids movie, and it was watched in the company of a kid, and it was enjoyed by said kid, thus to me, it was a successful movie. Writing criticism of movies patently not made for you is a fool's errand, but we're all professionals here, so let's try and engage the critical faculties and fire up a review for old time's sake. Despicable Me 3 is... fine? I guess? Let's say yes.
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