News
Cowell DJ reality show judges "to be pilled off their swedes"
TV News
Ed Williamson
27th January 2012
The judges in Simon Cowell's forthcoming X Factor-style DJ talent show are to ingest a cocktail of mind-altering substances in order to properly appraise the contestants, it has emerged.
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We need to assess the DJs in their own environment. How many times have you been to a club and come away praising the DJ without having been mashed to all buggery on three pipes of White Idaho and a double-dropped Rolling Thunder?
That's right, never.
It is for this reason that I am insisting upon a full state of really speedy buzz for each judge prior to filming.
But not the smacky kind of buzz, you know? A nice smooth one with no edge to it.
Approached for his reaction to the news, noted disc jockey and purveyor of drums and basses Temper D observed:
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Hold tight my selector. We been coming like Mr.Kipling. Exceedingly good. I triple dropped messiah with a skrillex dubplate and the aphrodite remix of down boy by Holly Valance. That shit buss up the place real nice homeslice. Room 1 bizness blud. Main areeeeeena.
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