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EXCLUSIVE: we serialise the Alan Partridge autobiography

TV News

Ed Williamson

16th September 2011

If by 'serialise' we mean 'paste a load of Armando Iannucci's tweets in one article, not even in serial format'. And by 'exclusive' we mean 'not in the least bit exclusive'.

Obviously we would never normally sanction the purchase of books, as their creeping influence is likely to distract the young from the TV they could be watching. But here's an exception: in what is the biggest TV-related literary event since the release of How I'm Doin': The Matt LeBlanc Story, Norwich's foremost broadcaster Alan Partridge is to release his autobiography.

I, Partridge: We Need to Talk About Alan is set to hit shelves on 29th September in hardback and eBook editions, but the audiobook out at the same time, read by the man himself, is basically going to be much better.

In our usual fearless journalistic spirit we have dug deep for more details to give you, and have uncovered the following preview quotes from the book on Armando Iannucci's Twitter feed. This is a WORLD EXCLUSIVE. If Twitter is blocked by your IT policy at work and you can't wait until you get home. Or look on your phone.
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"The switch from the bony chest of my wife to the fleshy welcoming bosom of the British viewing public provided sweet, sweet, succour" AP
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Alan on hotel living, "You had a dining room (the bed), a lounge (the bed), a study (the desk),and a meeting room (the bed and the desk)."
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"Local entrepreneurs would come and meet me in my room. I'd lie on my bed eating grapes like an emperor." Alan on business.
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"A once friendly BBC lawyer who might have been a strapping Irishman but is also one of the few men I know who's beaten by his wife." Alan
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"I saw a young lady/old girl with brown hair that was so glossy it genuinely wouldn't have looked out of place at a dog show.". Alan/Carol
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Alan's wedding. "I wandered around killing time, trailed by an almost constant stream of - without wishing to be crude - my own bum gas."
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Wedding. "Clad in a white dress, her lace veil glistening like some sort of semi-transparent burka, she really did look a thousand dinars."
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"Half an hour later, and despite a ceremony which I felt had been deliberately marred by the vicar's lisp, we were man and wife."
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Marriage. "Those first couple of years flew by like a car doing 50 in a 30 zone. Maybe even 60 in a 30 zone. Depends who you ask."
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Sex. "Whereas I was flying my first sorties into sexual territory, Carol had been hymen-free for the best part of six years."
And in another WORLD EXCLUSIVE (if the world suddenly forgets the URL for YouTube and can't figure out how to get there), here's Partridge being interviewed about the book in a billiard room.

That's our Christmas lists sorted then.

More:  Alan Partridge  Steve Coogan  Armando Iannucci
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