Five to show Seagal's fake cop show

Fear not, Seagalogists: Uncle Steven's awesome new reality TV show will air on Channel Five in the UK. Someone get me a flannel, I got a Fire Down Below!

Steven Seagal: Lawman promises to be total car-crash viewing, only the car-crash happens in slow-motion and there's a stunt double inside that looks nothing like Steven Seagal.

The basic premise is that Steven Seagal has close ties with the Jefferson parish sheriff's office in New Orleans; they offered him an 'honorary sheriff's badge' like they would a easily impressed child on a school trip, and he decided to take it literally and start cracking skulls in the name of the law.

Obviously this is going to be brilliant, because a) Steven Seagal is 58 and overweight, meaning I'm more likely to catch criminals (being 29 and overweight), and b) he actually believes he's a real policeman. The trailer below shows him yelling police buzzwords like an excited kid watching COPS.

This quote, supposedly from a source on the show, sums up the show's appeal perfectly: