Kutcher: "I won the lottery". World: "no shit"

In what we're calling a probably-fairly-regular-unless-we-forget feature, but concerned onlookers are calling "a series of bitter and unwarranted personal attacks", takes a look at what Ashton Kutcher's been up to of late. This week: it's CASHton Kutcher.

As we kind of reported last week in a roundabout sort of way but were too stubborn to re-do the Photoshops, Ashton Kutcher is CBS's new lead for Two and a Half Men. They're paying him a million. Dollars. An. Episode.

At this week's photocall, in which he stood next to his new co-stars and effectively wrote the next episode's first five minutes of jokes himself (hint: their respective heights might crop up a bit), Ashton said:

Humility like this belies a man of great gifts. Let's not forget that on being given the instruction, "Ashton, I need you to convey panic for me", Kutcher does this:

For any aspiring actors out there: it's in the eyes.