News

Monopoly's plot revealed; Ridley Scott has clearly lost his

Matt

12th November 2009

The man who made a massive snarling penis burst out of John Hurt's chest is still looking at directing more family-friendly fodder in a film version of every capitalist's favourite board game, Monopoly. Honestly. Look, no fingers crossed or anything. This is actually happening.

The announcement that Ridley Scott would be directing a Monopoly movie actually came a year ago, but we hadn't heard much more about the project since then so we all assumed Ridley had heard how it actually sounds in his head and blushingly swept it under a rug while coughing.

But no. Now we have news of the actual premise for the film. Strap yourselves in for a rollercoaster ride through 'dumb' and 'ass', courtesy of producer Frank Beddor.

"
"
"He's in this very vibrant place, Monopoly City, and he's just come out of a Chance Shop. As it goes on, he takes on the evil Parker Brothers in the game of Monopoly. He has to defeat them.

It tries to incorporate all the iconic imageries - a sports car pulls up, there's someone on a horse, someone pushing a wheelbarrow - and rich Uncle Pennybags, you're going to see him as the maître d' at the restaurant and he's the buggy driver and the local eccentric and the doorman at the opera. There's all these sight gags."
Seriously?

Apparently, the film involves a man (let's, for argument's sake, call him 'Russell') whose ambition is to beat the world record for a Monopoly marathon. Sounds gripping, so far. Then, in doing so, he somehow enters the alternate universe within the board game itself.

Again...seriously?

So, if we all try to forget that this sounds like it should have been announced on April Fools Day and accept that this is actually happening, where shall we start? Right, I know - how do you cast a kid-friendly live-action 'rich Uncle Pennybags' without making him look like a registered sex offender?

Granted, it's early stages yet and it's too soon to start judging, but I think I speak for everyone when I say: "There's no way this can ever be any good ever."

Unless, maybe if they cast Megan Fox - she already has a Community Chest.

Follow us on Twitter @The_Shiznit for more fun features, film reviews and occasional commentary on what the best type of crisps are.
We are using Patreon to cover our hosting fees. So please consider chucking a few digital pennies our way by clicking on this link. Thanks!

Share This