Movie poster round-up: Belles, Beasts and Awakenings (in 3D)


13th November 2011

It's Sunday afternoon, which means you're either about to head off to a carvery or you've just waddled back from one. Or maybe you're reading this in a carvery, which shows superior dedication and I love you. Now please pass the beef, and make room for our round-up of the best movie posters on offer this week.

Ahh, Beauty And The Beast. This takes me back. Which is something to worry about because I could have sworn this was in cinemas about 20 years ago. Am I ageing backwards? Oh God, please tell me it's not that Benjamin Button thing - your butthole is meant to get further away from your mouth, not closer!

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There's been a lot of talk this week about the meaning of bravery in relation to media, but you've got to admire whoever made this poster for Bloodwork. Disregarding the title of the movie completely is a gutsy decision, but using a picture of the star with a face that looks like he's running through a mist made of particularly eggy farts takes balls the size of space hoppers.

It's been a good catch for sea flicks this year what with mecha-dolph movie Dolphin Tale, and the Johansson/Reynolds-produced documentary The Whale. Now add to that haul Big Miracle, which is based on a true story that "united the world". I'm guessing that didn't include Japan...

Red Tails is the true story of how seven samurais got in their planes and defended Omaha Beach from the Vikings in 1066, or something like that.

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I've never seen one of these films all the way through, but according to the wiki page for Underworld Awakening it "is the first movie to be shot using RED EPIC digital cameras in 3D". Truly a momentous day in cinematic history.

We had a poster for The Darkest Hour last week, and this is pretty much the same sort of thing, except they took out the people and added more explosions. Now I have even less of a clue what it's meant to be about.

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Finally a poster for We Bought A Zoo which doesn't feature Matt Damon's massive beaming mug. You know when they took those photos there was a man behind the camera with a hand-puppet, saying "cheep cheep look at the pretty birdie, Matthew!", right?

Think Like A Man is based on a book by US talk show host Steve Harvey, in which he guides women through their relationship problems by sharing the intimate secrets of what a man is really thinking. I once tried to write a similar book, but it turned out like an Agent Arthur clone with only two possible outcomes: sex him or food him. The back page had an outline of a hand for practising high-fives.

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Speaking of thinking like a man; you do *not* want to know what I was thinking of when looking at Paula Patton's dress in this extra-wide poster for Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol.

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