Movie poster round-up: James Bond, gangster justice and jizzing cocks

I wrote most of this week's poster round-up yesterday in a rush to leave the house for Matt's birthday bash, which explains why the little bits of preamble are poorly-written and deepy unfunny. Any other reason is a government conspiracy initiated by the Freemasons in league with David Icke and Harry & The Hendersons.
Hey look, it's the first poster for Skyfall! James Bond! In a tunnel! With a gun! Looking a bit miserable! Classic Bond posterage. I know what'll cheer him up: let's all start pronouncing the title "skiffle". Go on, it'll be fun!


The most terrifying thing about this blood-soaked poster for Excision is how far Malcolm McDowell's name appears down the list. You know your career is over when you're billed after someone who used to take it up the butt for a living. I'll leave you to figure out who that is.


Here is how every invitation to Hyde Park On Hudson will play out:
"Hey, wanna see a film about Franklin D. Roosevelt and The Queen?"
"Not really."
"S'got Bill Murray in it."
*grabs coat*


TheShiznit.co.uk would like to take this opportunity to thank the cast and crew responsible for producing The Babymakers, for allowing us to bait search engines with the following keywords: horny Olivia Munn in sex film. Thank you.


This is the Hasbro Mega Blaster Web-Shooter Glove Set, available from all good stockists. The next set of posters for The Amazing Spider-Man will simply be Spidey's hand holding up action figures.


Earlier in the week I was going to run a photoshop contest for this Katy Perry: Part Of Me poster, but there's a limit to how many jizzing cocks I can look at in one day.


Prometheus is so tantalisingly close now, I can almost feel its bony legs around my face. Weird, then, that the previously dark and mysterious poster campaign would shift so dramatically in tone. This new effort has got an exploding spaceship, though - and no film with an explosion or a spaceship was ever a bad one. That's science fact.


And lo with this poster for Seth MacFarlarne's Ted the sixth expression of Mark Wahlberg did come to pass.


And finally; despite a cast boasting Guy Pearce, Jessica Chastain, Tom Hardy and Shia Labeouf, early Cannes buzz for John Hillcoat's gangster flick Lawless has been so-so. But forget those clowns, what do they know - Gary Oldman fucking shit up with an olde tyme machine gun, guys! (*runs around house making machine guns noises*)