Natalie Portman's Black Swan body double is kind of a b

The dancer who provided the moves for Black Swan has revealed that Natalie Portman didn't contribute as much as previously stated. "Wah wah wah, where's my Oscar?" she said. I'm paraphrasing, obviously.

I always figured that being a body double came with the express instruction that you're never to bitch about how much more credit the actor you're standing in for gets. That's part of the job, surely? Consider Josh Pence, the 'other' Winklevoss twin from The Social Network: dude played the part for the whole movie but because David Fincher digitally pasted Armie Hammer's smug face over his, he can't even show off to his dear old grandma. Still, like it or lump it - that's the gig.

Why, then, has Natalie Portman's ballet double from Black Swan now come forward crying foul? Sarah Lane, an American Ballet Theatre soloist, has claimed to EW that she's been victim of a cover-up and that Portman actually only performed "5 per cent" of the dancing seen on screen.


This bitch be tripping. Even if the Black Swan producers did tell her to keep schtum about how much of the dancing was hers, that's entirely their business. What do you want, a cut of the profits? Half of Natalie Portman's Oscar? Her thousand-legged dance prodigy boyfriend, Benjamin Millipede? The stench of jealousy coming from these quotes is overpowering (although I did just perform my morning Demi Plies, so it might be that).

Black Swan is a film and Natalie Portman is an actress. It's sort of a given that what you see on screen isn't real life. People in general are thick as shit, but I think even the idiots who only went to see Black Swan because of the A-list lez-outs would have noticed that giant long list of other people involved in the making of the film at the end, otherwise known as 'the credits'. That's where Sarah Lane gets her dues, along with everyone else.

Besides, Natalie Portman is a Hollywood actor, and everyone knows actors are the most honest, hard-working, well-disciplined professionals you'll find in any industry. That's why you've never heard Jean-Claude Van Damme's butt-double complaining. Artistic integrity.