People to get chance to win shiny things, claim bigger salaries

I think we can all agree that my previous attempts to cover awards ceremonies have been little short of masterclasses in research and presentation (ohai, TV BAFTAs and Saturns). What's this? The Emmy nominations, you say? Piece of piss.

Ah, the Emmys. Founded, of course, by Emmylou Harris, sponsored by M&Ms, and with previous winners including Eminem, M. Night Shyamalan, M People, Emperor Hirohito and M. Bison off Streetfighter II, they represent a proud and rich tradition.

They're also TV's equivalent of the Oscars, so I should probably take them more seriously, right? OK, sorry. Here are the nominations for the 2011 awards, just announced this afternoon and copy/pasted from the Daily Mail website. Any typos are their own, most likely incurred in fury when an asylum seeker walked past the window.
Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
Johnny Galecki, The Big Bang Theory
Matt LeBlanc, Episodes
Louis C.K., Louie
Steve Carell, The Office
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series
Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire
Michael C. Hall, Dexter
Kyle Chandler, Friday Night Lights
Hugh Laurie, House
Timothy Olyphant, Justified
Jon Hamm, Mad Men

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Miniseries or Movie
Edgar Ramirez, Carlos
Greg Kinnear, The Kennedys
Barry Pepper, The Kennedys
Idris Elba, Luther
Laurence Fishburne, Thurgood
William Hurt, Too Big to Fail

"Mr President, we've both been nominated for Emmys."
"I see. What opportunities will there be at the ceremony for me to cheat on my wife?"

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series
Laura Linney, The Big C
Melissa McCarthy, Mike & Molly
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation
Martha Plimpton, Raising Hope
Tina Fey, 30 Rock

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series
Connie Britton, Friday Night Lights
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Kathy Bates, Harry's Law
Mireille Enos, The Killing
Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Miniseries or Movie
Diana Lane, Cinema Verite
Elizabeth McGovern, Downton Abbey
Kate Winslet, Mildred Pierce
Taraji P. Henson, Taken From Me: The Tiffany Rubin Story
Jean Marsh, Upstairs Downstairs

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series
Chris Colfer, Glee
Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family
Ed O'Neill, Modern Family
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family
Ty Burrell, Modern Family
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series
Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones
Josh Charles, The Good Wife
Alan Cumming, The Good Wife
Walton Goggins, Justified
John Slattery, Mad Men
Andre Braugher, Men of a Certain Age

"John, you've been nominated for an award for your performance in'"
"The Adjustment Bureau?"
"Uh ... yes. Yes, The Adjustment Bureau." (*backs slowly out of room*)

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Miniseries or Movie
Tom Wilkinson, The Kennedys
Guy Pearce, Mildred Pierce
Brian F. O'Byrne, Mildred Pierce
Paul Giamatti, Too Big to Fail
James Woods, Too Big to Fail

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series
Jane Lynch, Glee
Betty White, Hot in Cleveland
Julie Bowen, Modern Family
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family
Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live
Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series
Kelly Macdonald, Boardwalk Empire
Archie Panjabi, The Good Wife
Christine Baranski, The Good Wife
Margo Marindale, Justified
Michelle Forbes, The Killing
Christina Hendricks, Mad Men

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie
Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey
Evan Rachel Wood, Mildred Pierce
Melissa Leo, Mildred Pierce
Mare Winningham, Mildred Pierce
Eileen Atkins, Upstairs Downstairs

Outstanding Host for a Reality Program
Phil Keoghan, The Amazing Race
Ryan Seacrest, American Idol
Tom Bergeron, Dancing With the Stars
Cat Deeley, So You Think You Can Dance
Jeff Probst, Survivor

Outstanding Comedy Series
The Big Bang Theory, CBS
Glee, Fox
Modern Family, ABC
The Office, NBC
Parks and Recreation, NBC
30 Rock, NBC

"Sire! We have been nominated for Biggest Dragon-Related Audience Pricktease at ye Emmys."
"Very well. Summon the horses."

Outstanding Drama Series
Boardwalk Empire, HBO
Dexter, Showtime
Friday Night Lights, DirectTV
Game of Thrones, HBO
The Good Wife, CBS
Mad Men, AMC

Oustanding Miniseries or Movie
Cinema Verite, HBO
Downton Abbey, PBS
Mildred Pierce, HBO
The Pillars of the Earth, Starz
Too Big to Fail, HBO

Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series
The Colbert Report, Comedy Central
Conan, TBS
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Comedy Central
Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, NBC
Real Time With Bill Maher, HBO
Saturday Night Live, NBC
Some reactions, then.

Bit surprised not to see House nominated for drama series, or indeed for Best Thing in Sphere of Human History, but in fairness season seven wasn't its greatest, and they're probably saving up for an awards splurge after the final season next year.

Breaking Bad doesn't feature, apparently because it took a break between seasons so didn't qualify, and thus Bryan Cranston can't take away a richly deserved 28th consecutive Emmy this time round. Looks like Jon Hamm will finally get his shot then, and you couldn't really begrudge him it given how long he's been waiting.

In the comedy categories I'm not really qualified to comment, having seen very little of any of them, but Kirsty informs me that Parks and Recreation is ROFL-y versatile, so we're very much in its corner. She is also fuming about Community not being recognised. Fuming.

On a personal note, I'd love to see either Barry Pepper or Idris Elba pick up Outstanding Lead Actor in a Miniseries or Movie. Pepper for being by far and away the best thing about The Kennedys (alongside Katie Holmes, oddly not nominated here), and Elba for just generally being the mack-daddy in a standout performance.

And finally: Outstanding Host for a Reality Program is an award, it seems. Coming next year: Tallest Midget.