Poster for the best film of 2013

It's blurry. It's unofficial. It's untitled. It's not even in production yet. Seriously though, just trust me on this one.

Q. Are there any five sweeter words in the English language than these?



It's scientifically impossible this movie won't rock gigantic, melon-sized balls. Here are five reasons why.

It's by Paul Thomas Anderson, director of There Will Be Blood, Magnolia, Boogie Nights and Punch-Drunk Love. If that wasn't enough, PTA also scores points for not being Paul WS Anderson and for never having adapted a videogame into a film.

It stars Philip Seymour Hoffman, an actor so massively charismatic and versatile, he can flit between Oscar-winning biopics, Tom Cruise action movies and Jennifer Aniston rom-coms without losing a shred of dignity. Also, he played this guy.

It's a drama set in '50s America, about a charismatic fellow named Lancaster Dodd who concocts a faith-based organisation i.e. a bullshit pseudo-religion. In other words, it's a Scientology parable that's going to piss off every second suit in Hollywood. Awesome.

It's got Joaquin Phoenix in it. He plays Freddie Sutton, who falls into Dodd's circle of influence. You may not remember, due to his recent beard-based adventures, but Phoenix is a top actor and no one gets the best out of talent like ol' Parent-Teacher Association.

It'll probably be called The Master, and that's a totally boss name for a film. Just ask these guys.