Robin Hood movie poster

If you, like me, asked for a big close-up of Russell Crowe's sweaty, stubbled face for Christmas, then check under your tree, because Santa just chucked this down my chimney.

In the complete absence of a movie version of CBBC comedy Maid Marian And Her Merry Men, I guess I'll have to make do with Ridley Scott's Robin Hood, which - as this poster is keen to remind you - sees the director team up with Russell Crowe for a swords and sandals romp a la Gladiator.

It's hard to get too excited about a non-Costnerized version of England's favourite folk hero, and the metal-themed trailer didn't go anyone to stoking my fire. I think it's fat Russell Crowe that's the problem: every time I picture him in character, he's cursing his gut while trying to squeeze into tight green leggings.

Also, I know it's only perspective, but this poster makes it look like Robin's arrow is super tiny. Hey, Sherwood Forest gets cold at night, we get it.