Taylor Lautner is... Stretch Armstrong!

Check your calendars: it's not April the 1st. Twilight mini-hunk Taylor Lautner has been tapped up to play Stretch Armstrong in the forthcoming big-budget 3D movie. I couldn't make up a story this good.

The Hollywood Reporter are reporting from Hollywood that chipmunk-faced Vin Diesel clone Taylor Lautner has signed on to play the rubber-limbed super-spy. Since he played a third wheel in the Twilight saga, he's considered hot shit in the 'idiot teen' demographic. Rubber toys... idiot teens... It's a match made in heaven!

According to the Universal press release, Lautner will play Armstrong as...

This would make me cry if I wasn't laughing so hard already. This could be the worst pitch for a movie ever. It's like some horrible prank that's gotten way out of control, and the only way Universal can save face is to just go ahead and make the film out of politeness.

What with this, and the news that he'll also play Action Man knock-off Max Steel, Lautner is really cornering the market on toys that no one plays with any more. Coming tomorrow, news on Boglins: The Movie!