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The future's bright: Orange to pull their dreadful cinema ads
Movie News
Ali
30th April 2010
The good news: you won't have to sit through Mr Dresden's crappy film pitches before your movie any more. The bad news: you'll still have to sit through 20 minutes of other crap and pay for the privilege.
When did I get so jaded? I used to love going to the cinema, but like most other leisurely pursuits, the more you do something, the less special it gets. These days, going to my local cinema feels like the first 20 minutes of Saving Private Ryan, only with more advertising and stickier floors.
Part of the reason why my weekly trips to the movies grew less and less enjoyable were the frightfully unfunny Orange adverts, in which fictional movie producer Mr Dresden and his cabal of morons listen to fake film pitches from a procession of past-it actors, including Patrick Swayze, Steven Seagal, Val Kilmer and Rob Lowe. LOL, right? LMFAO LEGEND!!!
Believe it or not, these ads have been running for seven years. I don't even want to estimate how much of my life I've wasted watching them. Also, it seems like there were only ever about a dozen of them; if you went to the cinema twice a week for a month, you'd end up sitting through the same tired slapstick eight fricking times. And yet still people would laugh. Well, they won't be laughing soon... (*strokes gun*)
Thankfully, as of today, Mr Dresden has been fired. Orange ads will still run in the "gold" slot before the film, but they'll take the form of imitation trailers, starting with a mock version of The A-Team, starring Liam Neeson and Bradley Cooper. Which is slightly better than Danny Glover.
Bizarrely, I think I'll probably miss them now they're gone. I'm sure that within days there will be Facebook fan pages set up in Mr Dresden's honour (quick check: there already is one. 12 people like this) and this time next week, David Cameron will be blaming Gordon Brown and calling for Mr Dresden's return. We've got to get back to basics, people!
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