The Human Centipede sequel banned, perverts furious

The sequel to hilarious family comedy The Human Centipede has been outright banned by the BBFC, causing perverts everywhere to explode in fits of anonymous rage.

I've seen The Human Centipede, and in all honesty, it's not that bad. It's very obviously the product of a sick and twisted imagination, but though the concept is quite stomach-churning, the actual film isn't all that graphic. In ten years time, it'll seem as antiquated and harmless as films like Child's Play are today. Frankly I was more offended by Just Go With It.

As per standard sequel rules, The Human Centipede II had to up the ante and go bigger, darker and sicker. Unfortunately, it's also brought the wrath of the BBFC, who called it "sexually violent and potentially obscene" and rejected the film a classification for UK release, meaning you won't be able to get your sordid little paws on the DVD in this country for love nor money.

The BBFC don't wield their ban hammer very often (and every time they do, it reignites the same tired old 'freedom of speech' conversation) but it does seem like they might have a case this time around. Below are their descriptions of some of HC2's more upsetting scenes, offset with pictures of cute animals to lessen the trauma.

I'm generally in favour of letting people decide what and what not to watch - there's absolutely zero chance of a cinema patron unwillingly submitting themselves to a film called 'The Human Centipede II' without a) having an inkling that it might not be a family-friendly DreamWorks adventure, and b) at least asking the ticket desk what happened in The Human Centipede I.

On the other hand, from the sounds of it, the BBFC have prevented a squalid, nasty little film from getting a UK release. Is cinema really losing another Clockwork Orange here? I can understand someone watching a film like this, or, say, A Serbian Film, purely on the basis of morbid curiosity. But is it really anything more than a tasteless endurance test for sickos?

In any case, the BBFC ban achieves virtually nothing. If Human Centipedos want to get their kicks, the glamorous world of internet torrenting will no doubt bear juicy fruits, bolstered by the publicity the ban affords. Meanwhile, the rest of society can carry on paying for Katherine Heigl romcoms - films which are generally about as pleasurable as whacking off with a sheet of sandpaper. Everybody loses, but at least we all get to be miserable.