The world needs a Captain Planet movie now more than ever

Today was a good day to bury bad news. While Murdoch got pied and hogged the headlines, Hollywood snuck out a press release announcing a live-action Captain Planet movie. Where are you now, Gaia?
I'm not saying a live-action Captain Planet movie is a bad idea, but I am saying I can't remember the last fictional character that lectured me about the environment that I didn't want to kick face first into the Sun. Also, I'd be far more likely to stop and listen to said lecture if the person delivering it wasn't so obviously causing mega ozone damage with the hairspray he uses to maintain volume and lift in his mullet.

The Cartoon Network are the ones responsible for this new enviro-disaster, with producer Don Murphy set to do for Captain Planet what he did for Transformers i.e. put some flames on it and spend a billion dollars on marketing it. Here are some choice quotes from the press release:

Uh-huh. Powerful. Pertinent. Entertaining. We'll see about that. Continue.

Recognised across generations? Only if by 'recognised', you mean 'widely ridiculed' and by 'generations' you mean 'people who wear ironic t-shirts'. Also, a series of films? Let's not get carried away.

Just so you guys know, painting some Channing Tatum-wannabe blue and pretending he can fly won't actually do anything to save the environment. He's a fictional character. These natural disasters will continue to occur. Your shitty movie won't be stopping any tsunamis.
As a kid, I did rather enjoy Captain Planet - it was sort of like The Last Airbender of its day. Even though the environmental message was about as subtle as a Greenpeace member's body odour, giving five kids the power to wield awesome elements like Fire, Wind, Water and Earth was pretty cool. Oh yeah, and Heart. Don't use it all at once, dude. (*sniggers*)

Reading through Wikipedia's Captain Planet entry, it's become apparent that the cartoon was a huge celeb voiceover magnet, attracting some pretty major stars to voice characters. For example, did you know that Meg Ryan played Dr Blight? Were you aware that Martin Sheen voiced Sly Sludge? Wait, Oscar-winner James Coburn was Looten Plunder? Is that even a first name, Looten? They should have called him Hugh Joilspill.

Anyway, expect the Captain Planet movie to be something like this, although about 10% as aware of its own ridiculousness.