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Dane Cook

News, Reviews & Features

  • Employee Of The Month

    Movie Review | Ali | 10th January 2007

    Christmas is supposed to be a time for giving, but us cinema punters have been on the receiving end of a good old shafting so far this year. Hmm, let's browse down the listings for this week, shall we? Miss Potter: Renee Zellweger in another 'charming' biopic of someone I couldn't care less about (I'm more concerned about the fact that she never seems to open her eyes more than halfway. Seriously, it's disturbing). Apocalypto: a Mad Mel production targeted at those with an interest in Mayan history, which in my home town, is probably an audience in minus numbers (admitting you were into ancient history would get your ass kicked). White Noise 2: You gotta be fucking kidding me. Then there's Employee Of The Month: An hour and a half of men talking to Jessica Simpson's rack. There are about a hundred things I'd rather do than watch any of these films, and most of them involve nailing things to my penis. As I have no nails, I must decide, and the newlywed takes the spoils in a photo finish, a pair of norks ahead of Mrs. Magoo, Captain Mal and Johnny Bone-through-nose. Super.

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  • Waiting...

    Movie Review | Stuart | 15th September 2006

    Kevin Smith may very well have pissed all over the chips of Waiting before it was even served up as a movie. One can almost picture the pitch to the studio: "It's kinda like that Clerks movie. Only it's set in a restaurant. And it's in colour." They may not have added "Only it's not going to be as funny. Or as twisted. Even tho...

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