Steven Spielberg

Review: War Horse

At the screening of War Horse I attended, there were people in floods of tears. Floods. Not just quiet, reflective sobbing, but that godless, wretched honking that's usually accompanied by snot and friends who wish they were somewhere else. Me? I didn't shed a single tear – I walked out of there like Moses parting a salty sea. Bear in mind I once got a bit teary because I thought one of my cats was upset with me, and that should tell you a little about me, but everything about War Horse. It's about as manipulative a film has Steven Spielberg has ever made – a movie that's been custom-designed from the ground up to play a sad harp solo on the heartstrings; a story cynically told to invoke as many tears as possible. You'd swear it was bankrolled by Kleenex.

This is what film journalism is now

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BREAKING NEWS: The Guardian respond to Tintinhategate

Last week, I pointed out that The Guardian seemed to have a bee in their bonnet over Steven Spielberg's The Adventures Of Tintin, and how they'd published no less than six articles bashing it. Well, brace yourself: The Guardian have given us an official response.

Why does The Guardian hate Tintin?

You may have already seen Steven Spielberg's new movie, The Adventures Of Tintin: The Secret Of The Unicorn. It's good, huh? Well, The Guardian couldn't disagree more: in fact, they've dedicated FOUR SIX separate op-ed pieces on why they disliked it so much. Protest much?

Review: The Adventures Of Tintin: The Secret Of The Unicorn

Despite a directorial career that spans – holy shit, 40 years? – The Adventures Of Tintin: The Secret Of The Unicorn is Steven Spielberg's first animated film. Techniques have come and gone over the years, barriers have been broken, box-office records and preconceptions shattered alike, but only now has Spielberg decided the medium is ready for him – and he's picked his moment well. For all of the good work done by Robert Zemeckis, Peter Jackson and James Cameron, it is Spielberg who has justified the existence of motion-capture technology: The Adventures Of Tintin is a relentlessly thrilling, rip-roaring yarn that's as close as anyone has ever come to bringing a comic-book to life.

Tintin trailer is full of win-win

New action-packed trailer for The Adventures Of Tintin: The Secret Of The Unicorn shows off some of the exotic locales Tintin & Co. will be visiting; makes the uncanny valley look like a ditch full of old mattresses.

Dammit War Horse, I will NOT let you make me cry

Empire have a new trailer for Steven Spielberg's War Horse, which looks totally lame. Now if you'll excuse me, my ocular muscles are emitting salty liquid unrelated to emotions.

Making the War Horse poster better one letter at a time

So here we have the poster for Steven Spielberg's War Horse, with its lovely pastels and humble tales of wartime heroics. Guess what? I found a way to make it better with the addition of a simple letter.

Review: Jurassic Park

And so, Jurassic Park week, the special event that was 65 million and 18 years in the making, comes to an end. We've laughed, we've cried, we've freaked out a little bit when Sam Neill tweeted his approval... Truly, there's nothing left to say about Jurassic Park that hasn't been said this w- Shit! The review!

Jurassic Park Week: Jurassic Park Blu-ray changes revealed

Luke originally knocked this article out a few months ago, when the Jurassic Park Blu-ray boxset was announced. Since then, George Lucas had another tinker with the Star Wars Blu-ray, making these cosmetic adjustments look terrifyingly feasible - they certainly tricked a few of you when I tweeted them in mock horror some time later. Anyway, it's Jurassic Park Week, and this is Jurassic Park related, so it's in.