Anger

Boffo corner: Trailer for David Cronenberg's A Dangerous Method

Look at us, talking about serious films like a proper, respected publication. This time it's David Cronenberg's new film, A Dangerous Method. Don't worry, it has spanking in it too.

Review: Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Franchises don't usually recover well from a post-trilogy hiatus when coming back for a fourth instalment (I'm looking at you, Indy - and you McClane), but Pirates Of The Caribbean has the added obstacle that each previously released film got progressively worse anyway, ending on a bloated CGI mess of a finale. So has the studio learned its lesson and made a worthy reboot? Of course not – it's utter 'yarrr'se.

Pirates 4's action scenes are intense

Who'd have thought the director of musicals like Chicago and Nine would be able to pull off such belting action scenes? [Editor's note: this is sarcasm. I think I forgot how to use it properly.]

5 things worth seeing on the cool new Pirates 4 poster

There's a new Pirates movie coming out, which probably explains this poster for a new Pirates movie. Look closer and you'll see 5 interesting things hidden in it... see? Okay, look close-lier...

Trailer ahoy! Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Pirates! Mermaids! Zombies! Lovejoy! Truly, the trailer for Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides has it all. There's even a nob joke!

Trailer for Woody Allen's You Will Meet A Tall, Dark Stranger

It's the new Woodsy Allen movie! Everybody put your adopted kids in the loft!

You wouldn't download an assclown: A rant on why cinemas are dying

Pity Hollywood. For they are losing money hand over fist because of dirty internet pirates. Pity John Travolta and his private jet fleet; pity George Clooney unable to heat his Italian lakeside mansion; Pity Tom Cruise for... well, being Tom Cruise. But pity these poor studios and stars, living on the breadline and having to sacrifice so much in their struggle to survive.

Or, to look at it a different way: fuck these cosseted prima-donnas and their multi-million dollar lifestyles.