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News, Reviews & Features
  • The Apprentice: season 15, episode 7 recap: "Finn Tonne o' Tools"

    TV Feature | Ed Williamson | 20th November 2019

    When doing the just-about-iconic point, Lord Sugar's hand doesn't do what the Twitter emoji does, I've noticed. The latter extends the index finger in the same way but turns the back of its hand to face you, while the back of his hand faces skywards. Even the basics of The Apprentice's flimsy premise go uninterrogated, and yet still my demands for a DCMS select committee hearing go ignored.

  • The Apprentice: season 15, episode 6 recap: "The Vomit Comet"

    TV Feature | Becky Suter | 7th November 2019

    Nothing good ever happens at theme parks. The last time I went to Thorpe Park was on a corporate away day, when instead of going on any rides, we were forced into groups and do a painful team-building exercise around the park. In a rather unsettling act of fate, it was the same day that there was the horrific accident at Alton Towers on the Smiler ride. During the debriefing session, the head of HR stood on the stage and made a pretty off-colour joke, as we were trying to present how the treasure hunt aligned with the company’s business principles, which was trying not to acknowledge the fact that two of the (married) managers were clearly trying to get off with each other. This has nothing to do with this week’s recap, much in the same way that The Apprentice has very little to do with business.

  • The Apprentice: season 15, episode 5 recap: "Ryan, Lion, Zion"

    TV Feature | Ed Williamson | 3rd November 2019

    This week I had a breakthrough: I realised that the one person I thought was called Riyonn-Mark is in fact two people, one called Riyonn and one called Ryan-Mark. Stay tuned to find out whether there's another one called Mark.

  • The Apprentice: season 15, episode 4 recap: "Vicious Cycle"

    TV Feature | Becky Suter | 28th October 2019

    I don't own a bike, mainly because I'm not a massive wanker, but also because I believe that the rules of the road apply to everyone, unlike overweight marketing managers who think they're Bradley Wiggins and look like un-pricked sausages in the latest Team Sky kit, who scream at me when I dare to use a pedestrian crossing in the correct manner and slow down buses because they can't stay in one lane. But yeah, great, let's get more bikes on the road.

  • The Apprentice: season 15, episode 3 recap: "Toys Toys Toys, I'm Looking for a Good Time"

    TV Feature | Ed Williamson | 20th October 2019

    Ooh, a race row, this ought to give the whole thing a much-needed positivity shot in the arm.

  • The Apprentice: season 15, episode 2 recap: "Brain Freeze"

    TV Feature | Becky Suter | 12th October 2019

    This has been a burden on my life for a few years now and I have finally got to the bottom of it. Over the past five years I have been posting a series of false stories to see if they made their way onto The Shiznit. And you know what, they did! The story about the ‘Fat Daddy’ fitness video fitness video, the story about the incredibly sexist board game and then the story about about the children’s party business which nearly killed a woman. It’s been tough not keeping these to myself and making comments, especially when it’s Ed’s turn to write an episode and I think of a good pun for the title. However, I had to. Now I know for certain. I have saved and screenshotted all my original stories which clearly show just one person has viewed them. It’s............your mum.

  • The Apprentice: season 15, episode 1 recap: "The Cape of No Hope"

    TV Feature | Ed Williamson | 6th October 2019

    They're all here again, and again, and again. The token posh guy and girl; the cockney salesman who's the most self-aware and grounded but startlingly aggressive whenever he has to sell anyone something; the gold-star recruitment consultants who ironically have no understanding of the sort of personality likely to win over potential employers. I wish they weren't. I wish it would all stop.

  • The Apprentice: season 14, episode 12 recap: "High Nut Content"

    TV Feature | Ed Williamson | 18th December 2018

    It's drawing to its close and we're all better people: informed, educated and entertained. Let's build on this experience and learn to live together in harmony, then burn the world in a big skip.

  • The Apprentice: season 14, episode 11 recap: "Pretty Big Deal in Peterborough"

    TV Feature | Becky Suter | 13th December 2018

    Well, that was a big fuss over nothing. I give a vote of no confidence in delaying The Apprentice by ten minutes and totally messing up my dinner plans. I was hoping to see Theresa May saying "Thank you for the opportunity" before walking out of No.10 with her wheelie suitcase.

  • The Apprentice: season 14, episode 10 recap: "Work, Rest and Play"

    TV Feature | Becky Suter | 8th December 2018

    I feel about Christmas the same way John Oliver feels about New Year: both are like the death of a pet - you know it's coming, but nothing can quite prepare you for how awful it is. The same can be said for the latter stages of The Apprentice.